IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important, and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree? - Partially agree

#education #people #countries #adults #governments #money
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Education
Use synonyms
 is
vital
Add an article
a vital
the vital
show examples
 element to put
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
forth in life.
Due to
Linking Words
 that, some believe that adult
litracy
Correct your spelling
literacy
 should be given priority by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and should
also
Linking Words
asign
Correct your spelling
assign
align
 more funds
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it,
instead
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 of young children's schooling.
However
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, I do not fully support
such
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 claims and believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should spend its budget equally on both
age
Use synonyms
 groups. My partial stance in
this
Linking Words
 matter is
elabotad
Correct your spelling
elaborated
 in ensuing paragraphs with relevant examples.
Adult's
Fix the agreement mistake
Adults'
show examples
litracy
Correct your spelling
literacy
 rate has
direct
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a direct
show examples
 impact on the growth of
Use synonyms
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
show examples
 economic and social development,
therefore
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alocating
Correct your spelling
allocating
locating
 more money towards their
education
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 will rapidly grow
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country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
. The primary reason is
escalated
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the escalated
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 level of economic expansion. As adults contribute directly to society by adding value in businesses and culture with their
education
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.
This
Linking Words
 would not only have
positive
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a positive
show examples
 impact on
nation
Add an article
the nation
show examples
 but
also
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 on youth as they will be able to better guide them into
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 pathways from the beginning. Perhaps,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 crucial that the younger generation
also
Linking Words
 gets the attention that it needs to pioneer in the world. The predominant cause is that they are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future professionals. Schoolers may not
imapct
Correct your spelling
impact
 the
country
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 immediately, but they will contribute
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 its long-term goals. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they will be raised with higher standards of
education
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 and training to make the right and sustainable decisions from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
age
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. To recapitulate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 is essential regardless of
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
age
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 governments should invest equally
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both
age
Use synonyms
 groups, as adults will start contributing
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
rapid
Add an article
the rapid
show examples
 growth of
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 immediately.
Whereas
Linking Words
 students could help in taking it
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
even
further
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 with their
education
Use synonyms
, training and development.
Submitted by ruchin27 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument. Examples help illustrate points and make an essay more persuasive.
language
Be mindful of grammatical errors and typos, such as incorrect verb forms or misspellings, as they can distract from the content.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and relate well to the essay question.
argumentation
Your essay presents a balanced view, effectively addressing different aspects of the argument.
coherence
The essay flows logically with main points that are well supported and appear in a coherent manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy programs
  • functional illiteracy
  • social mobility
  • inter-generational poverty
  • workforce development
  • economic growth
  • social cohesion
  • public health
  • civic participation
  • resource allocation
  • national development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: