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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015.

The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015.
#information #percentage #women #education #five #countries #years
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of studying girls at university or
colleg
Correct your spelling
college
 in different five
region
Change to a plural noun
regions
show examples
 for the two years
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1980 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2015, the
number
Use synonyms
 of female
students
Use synonyms
 in the given countries was more than in 1980. The figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 women
students
Use synonyms
 in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both years were the most in
Correct your spelling
Australia
Australlia
Correct your spelling
Australia
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 in South Korea
To begin
Linking Words
 with, female
students
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 were about above 50% in 2015
opposed
Correct word choice
as opposed
show examples
 to the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1950 at 35%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in 2015 the total
number
Use synonyms
 of girl pupils was higher in the USA than in the decade of 1980 around 58% and 39% respectively. Regarding South Korea. The
number
Use synonyms
 of women studying at University in 2015 just 30% was over double that in 1980, which was only 15%. Neither of
both
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 years where the
Correct your spelling
attendance
attandance
Correct your spelling
attendance
 of female
student's
Change noun form
students
show examples
 wars much more on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
France which
ccounted
Correct your spelling
accounted
counted
 for 35% in 2015 but at 50% in 1980. One notable point is that in Australia both 2015 and 1980 had equal numbers of
this
Linking Words
 type of gender.
Submitted by useroman99 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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