The chart below shows what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The chart below shows what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The first diagram depicts what graduates did after completing study in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
in 2008
expect
Verb problem
except for
show examples
full-time work,
while
Linking Words
another chart indicates the same segments but about postgraduates.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is explicit that the data didn't change in form that much, but
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of each activity
deacreased
Correct your spelling
decreased
significantly: from approximately 30k on top to 3k, and with the lowest number of volunteers, both.
Firstly
Linking Words
, 29,665 amount of UK graduates preferred to continue
broading
Correct your spelling
broadening
their knowledge
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is the highest
statistics
Fix the agreement mistake
statistic
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
the number of ones who engaged
part-time
Change preposition
in part-time
show examples
work and were unemployed is almost two times smaller, 17,735 and 16,235 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, graduates who went into volunteering
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
extremely low,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is 3,500. Turning to postgraduates, it is shown that the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of individuals
continued
Correct pronoun usage
who continued
show examples
studying and did part-time work is
laying
Correct your spelling
lying
show examples
down on about 3k, each. Meanwhile, data of unemployed and volunteers is lower: 1,625 and 345
corresdondingly
Correct your spelling
correspondingly
corresponding
.
Submitted by dinazhumanova2001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: