Some people think the government should spend more money on public service rather than waste money on arts (i.e. music and painting). To extent do you agree or disagree?

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Half of the people believe that equal rights between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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and females have been performed,
while
Linking Words
others feel that there needs to be more
clearly
Replace the word
clarity
show examples
regarding the progress made.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss both views about fairness. We almost reached support equality in our century,
however
Linking Words
, it is necessary to make considerable progress. Begin
whith
Correct your spelling
with
the egalitarian side in our country gender comparison has changed a lot.
For instance
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, we accomplished balancing responsibilities which shows noticeable coordination. In each developing country men and women too. It is a big difference in comparison to 1980 even earlier.
Moreover
Linking Words
in places women's degrees same as men's. Even
government
Correct article usage
the government
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decided to give equal pay. Moving to the
drowbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
that we need clarity to say with confidence, what we live in the century that supports and respects both male and female identity.
Such
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as considering and solving the feminist theory and male entitlement.
Therefore
Linking Words
all huge problems always start with them. And it destroys the improvement of the country. Feminism
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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never
stop
Correct subject-verb agreement
stops
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, because all people have their points of view. Women who have
this
Linking Words
thinking create a problem, including the opposite gender.
However
Linking Words
, men's large minus is
male-entitlement
Correct your spelling
male entitlement
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, putting their ego in the first place and making decisions by themselves,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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provides
Verb problem
leads
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to
a
Remove the article
apply
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big hate. In my understanding year by year
this
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problem of gender equal opportunity
solving
Wrong verb form
is solved
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by itself, and we can consider that we already living in the support coordination century and round. And I see both opinions as correct.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify the main argument in each paragraph to enhance logical flow.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and improve the task response.
Task Achievement
Avoid repetition and ensure each point is unique and contributes to the overall argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively bookend the essay, providing a clear start and finish.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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