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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays，young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#nowadays，young #people #media #sports #stars #development
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Today, celebrities, particularly famous actors or
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 players, are being followed blindly by younger generations . I think
this
Linking Words
 trend can be regarded as a negative change in society. First and foremost, most of the energy of young people
are
Change the verb form
is
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 spent on their
intrests
Correct your spelling
interests
, so, for sure, following celebrities requires them to put not only money, but time which could be better spent for them. They could be so successful in future if their passions were directed to learn a skill or to their education.
This
Linking Words
 may
even
Add a missing verb
be even
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 worse if the
followed
Replace the word
following
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 celebrities give
one
Correct determiner usage
the
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 same advice for all to succeed,
while
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 the circumstances to grow for everybody is completely different.
Therefore
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, going after famous
people by
Change preposition
people's
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 youth will waste much
ot
Correct your spelling
of
 their time and talents.
Moreover
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, given that young age are more vulnerable, bad behaviours from a celebrity role model, which is easily and
also
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 not
necessirily
Correct your spelling
necessarily
 perfectly accepted by them, can be too difficult to eliminate afterwards.
For example
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, imagine if a teenager infers a suicide message
form
Correct your spelling
from
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 a song, it might have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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disastrous
concequences
Correct your spelling
consequences
consequence
. Young individuals are in danger of their too much love for their
favioute
Correct your spelling
favourite
 famous people that may affect their personality and even their future.
Therefore
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, I believe
this
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 change is not reasonable and should change to be conditional.
Submitted by Saeed on

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coherence & cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more clearly with distinct paragraphs for each main point.
task response
Use a clear thesis statement in your introduction to present your main argument.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help to strengthen your argument.
task response
You have addressed the task by taking a stance on whether admiring media and sports stars is a positive or negative development.
task response
Your ideas are relevant to the topic and show an understanding of the societal issues involved.
coherence & cohesion
The essay is logically organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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