In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think is a positive or negative situation?
In today’s world, there is a popular notion that
people
should own a home Use synonyms
instead
of renting Linking Words
one
. In Use synonyms
this
essay, I will explain the two main Linking Words
reasons
for Use synonyms
this
phenomenon and I believe it is a negative Linking Words
situation
.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, there are two main Linking Words
reasons
for Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
situation
. Use synonyms
One
of the Use synonyms
reasons
is housing Use synonyms
provide
a sense of safety to Change the verb form
provides
people
. Nowadays, the Use synonyms
economic
is uncertain in many Replace the word
economy
counties
, so Correct your spelling
countries
people
may lose their Use synonyms
job
unfortunately and cannot gain any income in Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
competitive
environment. It is hard for Add an article
a competitive
the competitive
people
to find a Use synonyms
high salaries
job again. Correct your spelling
high-salary
Therefore
, owning Linking Words
Use synonyms
house
Correct article usage
a house
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
people
feel confident and Use synonyms
safety
when they face some emergency things or challengesReplace the word
safe
happened
. Verb problem
apply
For example
, even Linking Words
one
day they are quitted in the company and can’t earn any money, they will not Use synonyms
afraid
that can’t afford Add a missing verb
be afraid
rent
to the landlord and still have places to stay and live. The other reason is there is an increasing trend Fix the infinitive
to rent
of
the Change preposition
in
house
Use synonyms
price
in some countries. Use synonyms
People
Use synonyms
afraid
Add a missing verb
are afraid
the
Correct determiner usage
that
house
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
price
will keep growing Fix the agreement mistake
prices
up
and interest rates become higher and higher. Change preposition
apply
Thus
, more and more Linking Words
people
prefer to buy houses earlier. Use synonyms
Otherwise
, when the Linking Words
price
Use synonyms
is keep
soaring it will cause more Change the verb form
keeps
heavy
financial burden in Correct word choice
heavier
Use synonyms
people
daily lives Change noun form
people's
that
even the whole family take responsibility Correct pronoun usage
apply
to pay
interest to Change preposition
for paying
bank
in order to buy Correct article usage
the bank
Use synonyms
house
.
In my opinion, it is a negative Add an article
a house
the house
situation
that Use synonyms
not
beneficial to the whole society. When Add a missing verb
is not
the
society Correct article usage
apply
emphasis
too much about the importance of owning Replace the word
emphasises
home
, Add an article
a home
such
huge demand will lead to higher Linking Words
Use synonyms
price
. Fix the agreement mistake
prices
Therefore
, many Linking Words
people
will feel Use synonyms
stressful
when it Replace the word
stressed
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
for
a huge amount to buy a Change preposition
apply
house
. Use synonyms
For example
, it is so expensive that Linking Words
people
have to work all Use synonyms
days
and all Fix the agreement mistake
day
nights
to cover the Fix the agreement mistake
night
spendings
. For a long time, an increasing number of Fix the agreement mistake
spending
people
will suffer from mental problems Use synonyms
such
as anxiety, insomnia, depression and so on, Linking Words
result
in the happiness and satisfaction of society will go down.
In conclusion, the growing Wrong verb form
resulting
house
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
price
and the safety values of houses are some Fix the agreement mistake
prices
reasons
to explain why Use synonyms
people
prefer owning a home rather than renting Use synonyms
one
. I argue that it is a negative Use synonyms
situation
that Use synonyms
government
should take actions like limiting the Correct article usage
the government
price
level and providing more financial incentives to address the negative impact of Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
situation
.Use synonyms
Submitted by guojiajie622 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
General
The essay could be further improved by offering more precise and varied examples to better support the arguments made. Consider using data, anecdotes, or specific case studies to strengthen your points.
General
Ensure your ideas are clear and comprehensive. Simplifying some of the sentences and organizing thoughts logically will help the reader understand your arguments without struggling.
Coherence & Cohesion
To strengthen coherence, use more transition words or phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs, making the essay flow more smoothly.
Introduction & Conclusion
The essay effectively presents a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the central argument and summarizing the points made.
Task Achievement
You offer a complete response by addressing both parts of the prompt, explaining reasons for the phenomenon and providing your opinion.
Task Achievement
You have made a good attempt to explain why owning a home is important and have given reasons that are logical and relevant.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.