IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying are alternative medicines anf treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #anf #treatments #doctor #development
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Due to
Linking Words
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 consumption of fast foods and
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
, worries about our health came
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to the surface. These days, people are using alternative medicines because of
side
Correct article usage
the side
show examples
 effects of vaccines and
drugs
Use synonyms
.
And people
Correct word choice
People
show examples
also
Linking Words
 use folk remedies since
distrusts
Correct subject-verb agreement
distrust
show examples
 to medical system. I think
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 two reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
 and stability of alternative
drugs
Use synonyms
 are not certified. The
drugs
Use synonyms
 we buy are
alredy
Correct your spelling
already
 verified with
numurous
Correct your spelling
numerous
 tests
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 companies spending millions of dollars
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the test. I think choosing
drugs
Use synonyms
 that are not approved is relatively dangerous
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to choosing verified
drugs
Use synonyms
 and you can't predict side effects. If you mix several medicinal ingredients at home, you don't know what kind of chemical reactions will do to your body. These actions are more likely to make the situation worse than treatment.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it's extremely dangerous to use folk remedies
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 taking hospital treatments. Once, in India, people used
fecal
Correct article usage
the fecal
show examples
 matter of
cow
Fix the agreement mistake
cows
show examples
 as a treatment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 COVID-19. But it didn't cure the COVID, rather, it boosted infections and caused a
lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
lot
show examples
 of deaths.
Like
Correct word choice
As
show examples
 I said above, these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of methods are not verified. In summary, alternative treatments or
drugs
Use synonyms
 are at higher risk than formally proven treatments, and it is
also
Linking Words
 questionable whether they have the effect of treatment. I
also
Linking Words
 think that these actions put themselves at risk and oppose them for these reasons.
Submitted by ihjung2000 on

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grammar
Ensure all sentences are grammatically correct. For example, 'alredy' should be 'already', and 'compare' should be 'compared'.
coherence cohesion
Provide clearer transitions between points to enhance readability. Connect paragraphs with linking words such as 'Moreover' or 'Additionally'.
task achievement
Expand on the reasons provided to offer further depth. For example, give more detailed explanations for why alternative medicines are used.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the topic by presenting a clear stance against using alternative medicines over conventional medical treatments.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow from introduction to conclusion, which makes your argument easy to follow.
task achievement
You included relevant and specific examples, such as the use of cow fecal matter in India, which strengthened your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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