IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extend would you say that that television has positively or negatively affected the culture development of your society.

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Nowadays, everybody has a
TV
Use synonyms
 at their home and billions of
people
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 watch television every day. The largest number of
people
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 trust the information from
TV
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 shows and other programs. Some experts explain that
TVs
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 are a part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
progress and
it has
Wrong verb form
have
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 a beneficial impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society,
while
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 others argue with
this
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 statement. I strongly believe that televisions have changed our minds in
negative
Change the article
a negative
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 way. In
this
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 essay, I will consider both sides of
this
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 issue and explain my opinion. On the one hand,
people
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 tend to laziness and
TVs
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 provide them with an opportunity to lead inactive
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 and spend their free time lying in front of a television and doing nothing.
Thus
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, my society becomes less active and competitive
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to others. It has a detrimental effect on
people
Use synonyms
’s lives because it promotes to stop the progress.
For example
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, I have a friend, who really likes watching series on
TV
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. When he was living with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
his parents
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, they prohibited
to
Change preposition
apply
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him
watching
Change preposition
from watching
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
 the whole day. Now, when my friend lives separately, he does not work at all and
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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 time watching series. I think, his life stopped.
On the other hand
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, sometimes
TVs
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 quickly provide us with relevant and useful information. There are some
TV
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 channels about culture, which broadcast programs about exhibitions and
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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,
libraries
Correct word choice
and libraries
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.
Thus
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,
people
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 can broaden their horizons with
help
Correct article usage
the help
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 of
such
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TV
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 shows.
For instance
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, my parents always watch
such
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 programs and tell me very interesting stories about historical buildings and museums.
To conclude
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, despite the fact that sometimes
TVs
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 can help
people
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 to enlarge their knowledge, it still has an opposite side. I am convinced that
people
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 should not watch television because they become lazy and addicted.

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Task Achievement
Your essay needs more balance in discussing both the positive and negative impacts of television on culture development. Currently, there's greater emphasis on the negatives. Provide more examples or points on how television has positively affected society.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your examples are directly linked to the main points. The example of your friend can be more effectively connected to your argument about laziness and inactivity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify the sentences to improve comprehension. Some parts of your argument are not clearly articulated, which may confuse the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively setting the stage and wrapping up your arguments.
Task Achievement
You have expressed an opinion and attempted to support it with examples and reasoning.
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