Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extend would you say that that television has positively or negatively affected the culture development of your society.

#television #influence #culture #societies #development #society

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Nowadays, everybody has a

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at their home and billions of

people

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watch television every day. The largest number of

people

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trust the information from

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shows and other programs. Some experts explain that

TVs

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are a part of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

progress and

it has

Wrong verb form

have

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a beneficial impact on

the

Correct article usage

apply

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society,

while

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others argue with

this

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statement. I strongly believe that televisions have changed our minds in

negative

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a negative

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way. In

this

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essay, I will consider both sides of

this

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issue and explain my opinion. On the one hand,

people

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tend to laziness and

TVs

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provide them with an opportunity to lead inactive

lifestyle

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lifestyles

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and spend their free time lying in front of a television and doing nothing.

Thus

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, my society becomes less active and competitive

comparing

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compared

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to others. It has a detrimental effect on

people

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’s lives because it promotes to stop the progress.

For example

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, I have a friend, who really likes watching series on

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. When he was living with

parents

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his parents

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, they prohibited

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apply

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him

watching

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from watching

show examples

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the whole day. Now, when my friend lives separately, he does not work at all and

spend

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spends

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time watching series. I think, his life stopped.

On the other hand

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, sometimes

TVs

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quickly provide us with relevant and useful information. There are some

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channels about culture, which broadcast programs about exhibitions and

museum

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museums

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libraries

Correct word choice

and libraries

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Thus

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people

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can broaden their horizons with

help

Correct article usage

the help

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such

Linking Words

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shows.

For instance

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, my parents always watch

such

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programs and tell me very interesting stories about historical buildings and museums.

To conclude

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, despite the fact that sometimes

TVs

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can help

people

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to enlarge their knowledge, it still has an opposite side. I am convinced that

people

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should not watch television because they become lazy and addicted.

Submitted by swetlana4597 on Thu Dec 26 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay needs more balance in discussing both the positive and negative impacts of television on culture development. Currently, there's greater emphasis on the negatives. Provide more examples or points on how television has positively affected society.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure your examples are directly linked to the main points. The example of your friend can be more effectively connected to your argument about laziness and inactivity.

Coherence and Cohesion

Clarify the sentences to improve comprehension. Some parts of your argument are not clearly articulated, which may confuse the reader.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively setting the stage and wrapping up your arguments.

Task Achievement

You have expressed an opinion and attempted to support it with examples and reasoning.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

288 words

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Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extend would you say that that television has positively or negatively affected the culture development of your society.

some children spend hours every on smartphones. Why is this case? Is it a positive or negative development?

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