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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #persons #five #years #bar #arrest #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the information that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
percentage
Use synonyms
 arrested from 1889 to 1994,
while
Linking Words
 the bar chart shows the
rate
Use synonyms
 of seven reasons for the most recent arrest.
Overall
Linking Words
, the pie chart demonstrated the
rate
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
male’s
Change noun form
male
show examples
arresting
Fix the agreement mistake
arrests
show examples
 was higher than the
rate
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 female’
arresting
Replace the word
arrests
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the bar chart showed that the main reason
which
Correct word choice
why
show examples
 persons arrested between men and women was public drinking. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
percentage
Use synonyms
in arresting
Change preposition
of arrests
show examples
 between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 were 32% and 9%,respectively during
five
Correct article usage
the five
show examples
 years ending 1994. In terms of the
rate
Use synonyms
 of most recent reasons
which
Change preposition
for which
show examples
 males
arrested
Add a missing verb
were arrested
show examples
, public drinking and
drink
Wrong verb form
drunk
show examples
 driving were higher than others
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 almost 30.1% and 25.2%, respectively, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of breach of order, assault, theft and other
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 were about 18%, 17%, 16% and 19%,respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, with regards to the
rate
Use synonyms
 of all sorts of reasons that females
arrested
Add a missing verb
were arrested
show examples
, public drinking is the dominant one which was about 37%, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
drink
Replace the word
drunk
show examples
 driving, breach of order, assault, theft and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 were
similarly
Linking Words
, which were almost 14%, 12%, 18%, 13% and 18%, respectively, the
rate
Use synonyms
 of no answer was 4% and 7%, respectively.(195 words)
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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