IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about:local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Huy Tran

In
this
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 day and age, education is a topic that people
is
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are
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 interested in, in which
history
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 is a necessary subject for all
student
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students
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, especially local
history
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. In
this
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 paragraph, I will give my point of view and discuss about it is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local
history
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 than world
history
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.
Firstly
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, we must understand that
history
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 helps us and the younger generations know how our ancestors fought against foreign invaders and protected the
country
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 in any way.
Moreover
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, it is very essential for
students
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 to learn local
history
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,through that subject to help schoolchildren
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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understand the values of the nation
as well as
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 the people
in
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of
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 the past.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, after understanding the importance of learning
history
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, each student will be more patriotic and more motivated to develop and protect the
country
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 in the future. Take Vietnam as an example, school libraries are invested in a lot of books and stories related to the
country
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’s
history
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. Through reading,
students
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 become more deeply grateful for the sacrifices of their
accestors
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ancestors
acceptors
.
Therefore
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, Vietnam has always had a deep and intense
patrioctic
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patriotic
 tradition.
Sencondly
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Secondly
, patriotism comes not only from studying
history
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 but
also
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 from each individual, so each of us constantly develops ourselves to
cotinue
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continue
 promoting the tradition of patriotism and defending the
country
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as well as
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 developing the
country
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further
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 to the world.
In addition
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,
history
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 not only records sacrifices and noble efforts to protect the state
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 records failures in the war and epidemics so that today’s people can avoid that. In conclusion, teaching local
history
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 to
students
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 needs to be
futher
Correct your spelling
further
 promoted. In my point of view, local
history
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 is extremely essential for
students
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 because it helps them understand their origins and valuable lessons, thereby contributing to the development of the
country
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.

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logical structure
Strengthen the logical flow by clearly connecting your arguments to each other.
relevant specific examples
Include a few more specific examples to support your points and make your arguments more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify some of the points to ensure that your ideas are fully understood by the reader.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion.
relevant specific examples
You have provided relevant examples, such as the Vietnam example, to illustrate your points.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported, demonstrating good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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