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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some societies,the number of crimes comitted by teenagers is growing.some people think that regardless of age teenagers who commit majour crimes should receive adult punishment.To what extent do you agree of disagree?

#societies #crimes #teenagers #people #age #majour #adult #punishment
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Rising rates of juvenile delinquency,
coupled with
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 lag in judicial systems, have sparked a growing social movement advocating for the implementation of an adultification of juvenile offenders, which aims to reduce the occurrence of heinous crimes perpetrated by juvenile offenders. I strongly oppose
this
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 notion, as it not only contravenes the fundamental principles of juvenile justice but is
also
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 a short-sighted approach that undermines rehabilitation efforts, owing to the psychological and developmental harm brought about by subjecting minors to adult penal systems.
Firstly
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, Research consistently shows that juvenile offending
behavior
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behaviour
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 is closely tied to
socio-economic
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socioeconomic
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 factors and lack of access to early intervention programs, which can be effectively mitigated by community-based rehabilitation and preventative measures. Specifically, young offenders tend to be most responsive to rehabilitative interventions following structured educational or mentoring programs, with recidivism rates significantly reduced (substantially diminished) as their social and emotional support systems(socio-emotional Networks) improve (strengthen).
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introduction conclusion present
Ensure a balanced conclusion that succinctly summarizes your points and reaffirms your stance.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments and make them more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a strong introduction that effectively presents your standpoint on the issue.
logical structure
Coherent and logically structured arguments effectively outline reasons against the adultification of juvenile offenders.
complete response
Appropriate use of socio-economic factors and rehabilitation prospects enhances the depth of your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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