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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The popularity of tourism is increasing day by day. There are many benefits of tourism, but it also creates some problems. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#popularity #tourism
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Nowadays, many
countries
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 have growing numbers of
people
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,
while
Linking Words
the
Remove the article
apply
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some
countries
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 have a small space and they have been
increasig
Correct your spelling
increasing
 the rate of
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
. I will discuss in
this
Linking Words
 essay the both
of
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apply
show examples
benefits and drawbacks. Generally speaking , in the world we have a
lot
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 of
countries
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 have a problem with
amount
Add an article
the amount
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 of foreign
people
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 inside their
countries
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. One of the
diavantage
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
disadvantage
 of
tourism
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when
Add a missing verb
is when
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 they are visiting
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
countrise
Correct your spelling
countries
country
 and they do not respect the rules
and
Correct word choice
apply
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traditions and culture .
For example
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like
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apply
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some
countries
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 in Europe
they
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apply
show examples
have many problems with
tourism
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who
Correct word choice
and
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 do not follow the rules of public transportation.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 when the visitors do not know about the
traditional
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traditions
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 and
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
they might have
same
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the same
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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with
Change preposition
as
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 the native
people
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,the benefits of
tourism
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 when they travel to other
countrise
Correct your spelling
countries
 they will
be increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
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 the
economic
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economy
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 of their
countries
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furthermore
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, some
countries
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consider
this
Linking Words
 kind of resource income.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
lot
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 of
countries
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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recognised
Wrong verb form
recognise
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 events to encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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came
Change the verb form
to come
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their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
countries
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 and
contributed
Wrong verb form
contribute
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 to
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the economy of their
countries
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like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
when the
countries
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won to
Verb problem
apply
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recognise the football World Cup
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 will be a
lot
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 of
tourism
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also
Linking Words
 they will
builde
Correct your spelling
build
a new productions
Correct the article-noun agreement
new productions
a new production
show examples
 in own country. In conclusion , when travellers
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
respect the rules of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 and respect the traditions and culture
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think they don't create any problems
while
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 the visitors who they make a
lot
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 of issues they make many problems with their
countries
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sialamer on

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coherence cohesion
Organize your essay more clearly by creating distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences to enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop main points and support them with relevant examples. This will help to make your arguments more persuasive.
language accuracy
Proofread your essay for grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures to ensure clarity and accuracy in your writing.
structure
You have effectively included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame the essay's discussion.
task achievement
You address both advantages and disadvantages of tourism, indicating a balanced approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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