IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays the media should include more good news in their publications. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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These days, most
people
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 tend to spend their time on online
media
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 every day and almost every time, starting from waking up to bedtime. It could be good if the
media
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 shows more positive
news
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 than the negative side.
People
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 watch the
news
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 through the internet and cable TV more than physical paper, the phone and remote control are attached to their hands like their third hand.
This
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 means that
media
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 is very important for their routine. If those
people
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 receive most of the good daily
news
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,
this
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 could encourage them to follow the trend.
For example
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, the
news
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 of volunteering, charities, or even good psychology to be nice to each other.
Moreover
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, some information for self-care
such
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 as healthy, good social life, and financial management. These would be more beneficial for general society.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 are likely to get more reports of negative
news
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 like being selfish leads to being rich, or in some cases of teenagers stealing stuff from supermarkets for the views on social
media
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 and the cops could not do anything because of the thief are youth.
This
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 case can make
people
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 like to follow them.
Thus
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 it is better to show a piece of good
news
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 to the public under fact. And do not forget to give about how to solve the problems. In conclusion, the
media
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 should provide positive
news
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 rather than negative information to support
people
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 for all the above reasons.

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coherence
To improve coherence, consider making clearer connections between the paragraphs and providing transitions to guide the reader through your ideas. For instance, elaborate on how positive news can directly affect people's behaviors and decisions in a concrete manner.
task achievement
Expand on examples to illustrate your points more vividly, such as giving a detailed example of a specific positive news story and its impact on society. This will help support your main points more effectively.
task achievement
To achieve higher task achievement, ensure that you fully elaborate on the implications of negative news and posit stronger evidence for why positive news should be prioritized.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
task response
You demonstrate a good understanding of how media consumption affects people's perceptions and behaviors.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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