The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
government
Use synonyms
must provide
retirees
Use synonyms
with medical
care
Use synonyms
and
money
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, many people believe that individuals should keep their
money
Use synonyms
to take
care
Use synonyms
of themselves later on.
Although
Linking Words
people who save their
money
Use synonyms
may not need
finanical
Correct your spelling
financial
help from anybody, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirees
Use synonyms
have spent their life working, so they deserve the
government
Use synonyms
's
support
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, individuals who save
money
Use synonyms
will not need any help when they face
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
finantial
Correct your spelling
financial
problems. With their
Use synonyms
money
Add a comma
money,
show examples
they will not
compaled
Correct your spelling
compiled
themselves to ask others to
lean
Correct your spelling
loan
show examples
them
money
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and put themselves under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure in order to pay the
depts
Correct your spelling
debts
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
they will be free of these
depts
Correct your spelling
debts
show examples
if they
saved
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
their
money
Use synonyms
wisely.
For example
Linking Words
, some people
purchess
Correct your spelling
purchase
purchases
health insurance with the
money
Use synonyms
that they save , so they can get free medical
care
Use synonyms
. I believe
this
Linking Words
method would not be effective in the long term.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirees
Use synonyms
deserve the
Use synonyms
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
finantial
Correct your spelling
financial
support
Use synonyms
and
care
Use synonyms
because they have spent their youth working. They work until the mandated set age (65) and when the
ritrement
Correct your spelling
retirement
time
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
, they will be too old and they basically need health
care
Use synonyms
support
Use synonyms
.
Addtionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, they can invest the
government
Use synonyms
's
money
Use synonyms
in
samall
Correct your spelling
small
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
so that thrive
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
toward a prosperous life.
For Example
Linking Words
, in some countries , some
retirees
Use synonyms
use the
money
Use synonyms
provided
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
the
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
to make
Correct article usage
a relibale
show examples
relibale
Correct your spelling
reliable
business as a secondary income. I believe
this
Linking Words
giving the
ritrees
Correct your spelling
retirees
trees
what they deserve from the
government
Use synonyms
can secure their lives.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
saving
money
Use synonyms
could
elemenate
Correct your spelling
eliminate
the need
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
others I believe ,
retirees
Use synonyms
can take advantage of the
government
Use synonyms
's
support
Use synonyms
by
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
busnisess
Correct your spelling
business
.
Submitted by reemstar20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
The essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the main points. Consider including real-world instances or detailed scenarios that illustrate the arguments made.
grammar accuracy
There are a few spelling and grammatical errors in the essay (e.g., "finantial" instead of "financial", "compaled" instead of "compel", "purchess" instead of "purchase"). Be sure to proofread your essay carefully to improve the overall accuracy.
coherence improvement
Improve the coherence of your essay by ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion and provide closure.
balanced discussion
The essay presents a balanced discussion by addressing both views and then providing a personal opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government responsibility
  • financial support
  • care
  • retirees
  • personal responsibility
  • retirement planning
  • social security
  • pension
  • benefits
  • concerns
  • dependency
  • adequate savings
  • elderly citizens
  • burden
  • welfare system
  • poverty
  • social safety net
  • financial stability
  • public funds
  • sustainable
  • reliable
  • case study
  • Japan
  • Sweden
  • United States
What to do next:
Look at other essays: