IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men. There is a logic that they should share the housework equally with men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #women #jobs #men #logic #housework
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There is no denying the fact that governments set several policies to increase the rate of female employment.
While
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 it is held belief that
due to
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this
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 factor, the majority of
women
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 have full-
time
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 jobs as men,
therefore
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, there is an argument that
housework
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 must be separated equally between men and
women
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.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
To begin
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 with,
women
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 were obligated to do all the
housework
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 and take care of the children at the same
time
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.
In other words
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, these
traditionals
Correct your spelling
traditions
traditional
 were set by men for a long
time
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 to make
women
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 have no choice but
take
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to take
show examples
 care of their houses.
However
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,
due to
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 the recent development in
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women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 rights,
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women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
jobs'
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jobs
show examples
 rate
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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significantly increased.
Hence
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, the
housework
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 and look
for
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after
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 the children should be shared with both parents equally.
For example
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, the father may clean the house,
while
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 the mother cooks the family dinner which will be beneficial for all family members. Another point to consider, sharing
housework
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 tasks will facilitate the couple's lives
due to
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 several factors. It is
also
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 possible to say that, by cooperating in these tasks it will be accomplished in a short
time
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 which will provide more quality
time
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 to be spent with their family.
In addition
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, these small gestures from males will enhance and empower their relationship because it will make
women
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 feel supported. In conclusion, despite people having different points of view, I tend to believe that investing in the relationship is crucial by sharing responsibilities which will enhance both
couple’s
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couples’
show examples
 lives.
Submitted by omima7a7md on

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Task Achievement
In the essay, while the topic was addressed and the position was stated, adding more specific examples would strengthen the argument and provide a fuller response.
Task Achievement
Some points in the essay would benefit from more elaboration to ensure clarity. Consider providing additional context or explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas to improve the flow of the essay, aiding the reader’s understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction, stating the main topic and the writer's position, and concludes with a reaffirmation of that stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument for equal sharing of housework is well-structured, with points logically building upon one another.
Task Achievement
The essay discusses relevant social dynamics related to gender roles and employment, providing a solid base for the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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