IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries, as people are earning more these days, they are also spending money in buying more and more items. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #money #items #development
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The bar chart illustrates the number of
hours
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teachers
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 spent teaching in schools across four different countries in 2001. The countries in question are the United States, Iceland, Japan, and Spain. From the chart, it is evident that
teachers
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 in
Correct article usage
the Usa
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Usa
Correct your spelling
USA
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 worked the longest
hours
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, with an average of around 600-1200
hours
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 per week.
In contrast
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,
teachers
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 in Japan had the shortest teaching
hours
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, approximately 600-610
hours
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 per week.
The
Correct article usage
apply
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Spain and
the
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apply
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iceland
Change the capitalization
Iceland
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 fall in between, with
teachers
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 spending about 600
hours
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 and 900
hours
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 per week, respectively. Notably, the United
States
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States'
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 significantly higher teaching
hours
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 could be attributed to their educational system, which emphasizes extended
hours
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 and high teacher involvement.
On the other hand
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, Japan's lower
hours
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 may suggest a different approach to teacher-student interaction or different educational priorities.
Overall
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, the chart highlights a substantial variation in the number of teaching
hours
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 across the four countries, reflecting differences in educational systems and teaching practices.
Submitted by nurymbetova.aray on

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grammar
Make sure to double-check for small grammatical errors and inconsistencies, such as capitalization issues ('USA' should be capitalized, 'The Spain' should be 'Spain', 'the Iceland' should be 'Iceland').
content
Consider expanding the analysis by discussing how or why particular teaching hours could impact the education system or student learning outcomes.
structure
Introduce a more definitive conclusion to wrap up the comparison and analysis presented in the essay.
content
The essay clearly describes the chart and effectively conveys key trends and comparisons regarding teaching hours across the four countries.
language
You utilized strong vocabulary and precise wording to convey your analysis and comparisons clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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