IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#smoker #places
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Smoking is a really dangerous habit that affects millions of
people
Use synonyms
 around the world.
Although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 know it has a lot of risks for you and the
people
Use synonyms
 around you, they still
maintain
Verb problem
continue
show examples
 to smoke cigarettes. Smoking is the leading cause of diseases and deaths. It has serious consequences for both smokers and those around them.
Harm
Add an article
The harm
show examples
 of smoking is not only physical but
also
Linking Words
 environmental and social.
People
Use synonyms
 should not be smoking under all circumstances. One of the most known and dangerous risks of smoking is its impact on the lungs. Cigarettes contain many harmful chemicals
such
Linking Words
 as nicotine and carbon monoxide which damage your lungs over time. Smoking can
also
Linking Words
 lead to chronic respiratory diseases
such
Linking Words
 as chronic bronchitis, and it is the primary cause of lung cancer. Aside the lung problems smoking
also
Linking Words
 increases the risk of heart disease. Smoking harms your veins, making it more difficult for blood to flow.
This
Linking Words
 leads to high blood pressure, heart attacks and strokes. Smokers are
also
Linking Words
 more likely to develop other serious conditions like diabetes and weakened immune systems, which can make the body more
delicate
Correct word choice
susceptible
show examples
 to infections and other health problems. All things considered, smoking is really harmful to humanity. It is harmful
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not only to the smoker
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 to
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 who are around them.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 smoking for your health it
also
Linking Words
 wastes money, so we should all stop smoking.
Submitted by muzun0612 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your arguments, such as laws from certain countries where smoking is banned in public places, or specific studies showing the effects of second-hand smoke.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is strong and effectively presents the topic and the thesis statement.
task achievement
The essay responds well to the task question by addressing the negative impacts of smoking and suggesting a ban.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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