Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.

#schools #focus #success #examinations #skills #cookery #woodwork #school #friends

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I do not agree that should should

focus

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on academic

success

Use synonyms

and passing examinations.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the purpose of

school

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is more than

delivery

Correct article usage

the delivery

show examples

of academic

success

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School

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Change the article

show examples

very important place to educate and grow

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student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

, both academically,

phsically

Correct your spelling

physically

and ethically.

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Student

Fix the agreement mistake

Students

show examples

should learn the right value that academic

success

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is not the only right thing to do.

Therefore

Linking Words

Use synonyms

Add an article

the school

a school

show examples

school

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schools

show examples

should

also

Linking Words

allowcate

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allocate

allocated

it's

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its

show examples

resource

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resources

show examples

into

different

Add an article

the different

a different

show examples

area

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areas

show examples

too.

Secondly

Linking Words

, different

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skills set

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skill sets

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

beneficial for

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student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

Skills

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such

Linking Words

as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork

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are

show examples

artistic

activity

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activities

show examples

that could stimulate

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kids

Change noun form

kids'

kid's

show examples

imagination

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imaginations

show examples

. It could increase the creativity of

kids

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not only now but in the future. More importantly, the process of learning non-academic

skills

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also

Linking Words

a process of talent discovering. Not all

kids

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are good at academic

subject

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subjects

show examples

. Our society

also

Linking Words

need

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needs

show examples

artist

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artists

show examples

chef

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chefs

show examples

singer

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singers

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and all

kind

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kinds

show examples

occupation

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occupations

show examples

. Exploring other

skills

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can help

kids

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to understand themselves more. It

also

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help

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helps

show examples

kids

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to build their confidence.

Besides

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, enhancing the

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student

Change noun form

student's

show examples

level of happiness is

also

Linking Words

part of the

school

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's responsibility. A

school

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that only

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focus

Correct subject-verb agreement

focuses

show examples

on academic

success

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and passing

examations

Correct your spelling

examinations

will give

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student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

a lot of

presure

Correct your spelling

pressure

. It's not good for

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student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

emotional health too.

Last

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but not least, learning all the basic

skills

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can help

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student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

to feel

appriciation

Correct your spelling

appreciation

Change preposition

for

show examples

everything around them. Let's take cookery as an example. Children might eat food

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

while

Linking Words

do not know the source. After the cookery class, they will understand their parent took a lot of time and effort to cook for them

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

. Nothing around them is granted. They might learn

Change the article

show examples

very important

leason

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lesson

appriciation

Correct your spelling

appreciation

. All in all,

school

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plays

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show examples

very important role in educating

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student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

. Their

focus

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will largely influence the

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student

Change noun form

student's

show examples

childhood experience and value.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I think

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school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

should not only

focus

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

academic

success

Use synonyms

and passing

examination

Fix the agreement mistake

examinations

show examples

Submitted by powang.mbaapplication on Sat Dec 28 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar

Improve sentence structure and grammar for better clarity and expression.

cohesion

Use more cohesive devices and linking words to enhance the flow of the essay.

task response

Develop ideas more comprehensively to fully address the task.

task response

The essay includes a clear stance on the topic, arguing against the sole focus on academic success.

task response

Good attempt to cover diverse skills' benefits like creativity, confidence, and appreciation.

coherence

The essay presents both an introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
47
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

7 paragraphs

308 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

academic success
passing examinations
cookery
dressmaking
woodwork
learn from family and friends
personalized learning environment
supportive learning environment
well-rounded education
school curriculum
resources
expert guidance
enhance creativity
problem-solving
teamwork

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Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that exploring outer space is important because it expands human knowledge and might lead to discoveries that will benefit humanity in the future. Other people believe that space exploration is a waste of money that could be better spent solving immediate problems here on Earth.

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?