IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that zoos are cruel and morally wrong because they only keep animals in captivity. Others think that zoos play a variety of important roles aside from entertaining the public. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #zoos #animals #captivity #variety #roles
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It is true that many individuals consider
zoos
Use synonyms
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
detrimental and cruel
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 as they keep
animals
Use synonyms
 in cages,
While
Linking Words
 others believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 have an essential part in
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
 lives aside from amusing people.
This
Linking Words
 essay will side with those who see
this
Linking Words
 as a wrong gesture, morally. Critics of
this
Linking Words
 idea believe that
animals
Use synonyms
 belong to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
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 small cages. There are only a few
zoos
Use synonyms
 that keep
animals
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper condition, similar to their real homes. In most cases, zoo keepers only consider their profits and not the
Use synonyms
animals
Change to a genitive case
animal's
animals'
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 health and situation.
As a result
Linking Words
, many species die every year, in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 places.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some of these, in some cases, rare,
animals
Use synonyms
 are being departed from their family and their ecosystem. Proponents of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 spaces think
otherwise
Linking Words
, They truly believe
this
Linking Words
 kind of
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
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 can be beneficial for the
animals
Use synonyms
. They see
zoos
Use synonyms
 as a place that can provide a suitable environment for species,
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 for those in danger of extinction.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, It can be a useful experience for the
scientists
Replace the word
scientific
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 communities, as experts can study various
animals
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
close view. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 there are several positive points about having
zoos
Use synonyms
,
As
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some people think so,
This
Linking Words
 essay believes that it is against
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature
Change noun form
nature's
show examples
 will and
humans
Correct word choice
that humans
show examples
 should leave
animals
Use synonyms
 to be as they are, free.
Submitted by faranakasadzadian on

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task achievement
Provide more supporting examples for your arguments to strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments logically follow on from each other to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position, which helps set the stage for your discussion.
task achievement
You have discussed both views on the topic, fulfilling the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Captivity
  • Natural habitat
  • Psychological stress
  • Zoochosis
  • Endangered species
  • Breeding programs
  • Conservation efforts
  • Educational purposes
  • Ecosystems
  • Scientific research
  • Animal welfare
  • Species recovery programs
  • Zoological parks
  • Poaching
  • Habitat destruction
What to do next:
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