The money given to help poor countries does not solve the problem of poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Giving excessive amounts of money to impoverished
countries
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to solve their problems has been a vital topic of debate.
While
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some people argue that rich
nations
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can
offer
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assistance in other
ways
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of helping, I strongly agree with
this
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trend and believe that affluent
countries
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can help developing
countries
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in different practical
ways
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.
Firstly
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, poor
countries
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inherently have faced various challenges, so devoting
an excessive amounts
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excessive amounts
an excessive amount
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of money might not solve these
overall
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difficulties.
Therefore
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, rich communities can
offer
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help to poor
nations
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in various practical
ways
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,
such
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as improving their educational systems, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only
help
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helps
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individuals improve their
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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, leading to
learn
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learning
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new skills but
also
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can
countribute
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contribute
to
create
Wrong verb form
creating
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more
jobs
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job
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opportunities in societies.
For instance
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, some students
due to
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financial strain
could not
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cannot
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pursue their educational goals and
ambitious
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ambitions
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,
as a
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result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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developed
nations
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can
offer
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online courses to help these students
enrolling
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enrol
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in online education institutes.
Conversely
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, some sectors in rich
countries
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need to improve
effectivelly
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effectively
such
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as the
health
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sector.
Thus
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, dedicating
efficient
Correct article usage
an efficient
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budget to these sectors can not solve their problems completely, so if rich
countries
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can
offer
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health advanced
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health-advanced
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technologies to poor communities,
this
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approach can significantly enhance
health
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programmes in order to decrease
health
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issues. A prime illustration is the period of
COVIDE 19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
, so the best solution is
that
Correct word choice
for
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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developed
countries
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equip
Fix the infinitive
to equip
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poor
nations
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with practical technologies and sorts of knowledge to decrease the severe
pandomic
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pandemic
issues. In conclusion, it becomes clear that
,
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apply
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devoting amounts of budget to poor
nations
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can not solve their various challenges.
While
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there are practical
ways
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to reduce their challenges,
such
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as improving their educational systems, I strongly advocate for
this
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perspective and believe that the money given to impoverished
countries
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could not solve their difficulties.
Submitted by mahanz on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows smoothly into the next with the use of appropriate linking devices.
task achievement
Clarify and refine your explanations for better clarity and depth.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states your position and sets the tone for the rest of the essay.
supported main points
The essay presents valid points on how rich countries can help improve education and health in poorer nations.
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