Some people think that public health of a country can be improved if the government make laws regarding nutritious food but others think that it is the matter of personal choice and personal responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #health #country #government #laws #food #matter #choice #responsibility

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A good

Remove the article

Good

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health is the most imperative thing for human

being

Fix the agreement mistake

beings

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to live a

heathy

Correct your spelling

healthy

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and happy life. Some individuals believe that

government

Correct article usage

the government

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should

involve

Wrong verb form

be involved

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in regard to

chose

Wrong verb form

choosing

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the

food

Use synonyms

and others opine that it depends on every individual as it is a matter of personal choice and taste. I strongly agree with the first statement and

this

Linking Words

essay will shed light

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on my

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views with examples in upcoming paragraphs. The first and foremost reason is that

today's

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today

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everyone

use

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uses

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technology and high bodies can take

advantages

Fix the agreement mistake

advantage

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from

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show examples

this

Linking Words

technology as they can

advertisement about

Replace the word

advertise

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good

food

Use synonyms

on television, radio and social media.

For instance

Linking Words

, they can hire any popular person and broadcast the ad on television.

Apart from

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, they should start

the

Correct article usage

show examples

campaign about it and encourage people to

involve

Wrong verb form

involved

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this

Linking Words

Secondly

Linking Words

beurucrats

Correct your spelling

bureaucrats

should impose some stringent laws on unhealthy advertisements and

food

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corners so that they can only sell healthy

food

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

way

Add a comma

way,

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people automatically will

incline

Wrong verb form

be inclined

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towards that trend.

Linking Words

Furthermore

Add a comma

Furthermore,

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government should

also

Linking Words

encourge

Correct your spelling

encourage

food

Use synonyms

manufacturing outlets to sell and cook healthy

food

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, it depends on every person like what they want to eat

becasue

Correct your spelling

because

its

Correct your spelling

it is

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right

Correct article usage

a right

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of freedom and they can choose whatever they want to eat.

Although

Linking Words

, In

this

Linking Words

modern era, everyone

Add a missing verb

is concious

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concious

Correct your spelling

conscious

about their health they can choose

according to

Linking Words

their interest and health. In conclusion, I believe

that

Linking Words

Correct your spelling

show examples

should be a personal choice but

government

Correct article usage

the government

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should

involve

Wrong verb form

be involved

show examples

this

Linking Words

matter and they should add a subject in

school

Correct article usage

the school

show examples

curriculum about

food

Use synonyms

nutritious

Replace the word

nutrition

show examples

and advertise on public platforms

such

Linking Words

as social media.

Submitted by jasvir1012kaur on Sat Dec 28 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that your arguments are logically sequenced. While the essay presents main ideas, organizing them in a clearer structure with transition phrases will improve flow.

Task Achievement

Provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments.

Task Achievement

Clarify your main ideas further. At times, the reader may find it difficult to distinguish between your arguments and counterarguments. Clearer signposting words, like firstly, secondly, would help.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has an introduction that sets up the task and a conclusion that summarizes the writer's viewpoint, providing a clear framework.

Task Achievement

Acknowledges both sides of the argument, showing a balanced approach before expressing an opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Some people think that public health of a country can be improved if the government make laws regarding nutritious food but others think that it is the matter of personal choice and personal responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In a number of counties, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Now-a-days many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company. What could be the advantages and disadvantages of being self-employed?

You are going for a one-week vacation and your friend agreed to stay at your place while you are away. Write a letter to him/her. In your letter, you should: thank her/him and tell the dates of your holiday explain how he/she enters the house describe what you expect him/her to do.