Some people think that public health of a country can be improved if the government make laws regarding nutritious food but others think that it is the matter of personal choice and personal responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A good

Remove the article

Good

show examples

health is the most imperative thing for human

being

Fix the agreement mistake

beings

show examples

to live a

heathy

Correct your spelling

healthy

show examples

and happy life. Some individuals believe that

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

should

involve

Wrong verb form

be involved

show examples

in regard to

chose

Wrong verb form

choosing

show examples

the

food

Use synonyms

and others opine that it depends on every individual as it is a matter of personal choice and taste. I strongly agree with the first statement and

this

Linking Words

essay will shed light

Change preposition

on my

show examples

views with examples in upcoming paragraphs. The first and foremost reason is that

today's

Change noun form

today

show examples

everyone

use

Change the verb form

uses

show examples

technology and high bodies can take

advantages

Fix the agreement mistake

advantage

show examples

from

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

technology as they can

advertisement about

Replace the word

advertise

show examples

good

food

Use synonyms

on television, radio and social media.

For instance

Linking Words

, they can hire any popular person and broadcast the ad on television.

Apart from

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, they should start

the

Correct article usage

show examples

campaign about it and encourage people to

involve

Wrong verb form

involved

show examples

this

Linking Words

Secondly

Linking Words

beurucrats

Correct your spelling

bureaucrats

should impose some stringent laws on unhealthy advertisements and

food

Use synonyms

corners so that they can only sell healthy

food

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

way

Add a comma

way,

show examples

people automatically will

incline

Wrong verb form

be inclined

show examples

towards that trend.

Linking Words

Furthermore

Add a comma

Furthermore,

show examples

government should

also

Linking Words

encourge

Correct your spelling

encourage

food

Use synonyms

manufacturing outlets to sell and cook healthy

food

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, it depends on every person like what they want to eat

becasue

Correct your spelling

because

its

Correct your spelling

it is

show examples

right

Correct article usage

a right

show examples

of freedom and they can choose whatever they want to eat.

Although

Linking Words

, In

this

Linking Words

modern era, everyone

Add a missing verb

is concious

show examples

concious

Correct your spelling

conscious

about their health they can choose

according to

Linking Words

their interest and health. In conclusion, I believe

that

Linking Words

Correct your spelling

show examples

should be a personal choice but

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

should

involve

Wrong verb form

be involved

show examples

this

Linking Words

matter and they should add a subject in

school

Correct article usage

the school

show examples

curriculum about

food

Use synonyms

nutritious

Replace the word

nutrition

show examples

and advertise on public platforms

such

Linking Words

as social media.

jasvir1012kaur

Dec 28, 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that your arguments are logically sequenced. While the essay presents main ideas, organizing them in a clearer structure with transition phrases will improve flow.

Task Achievement

Provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments.

Task Achievement

Clarify your main ideas further. At times, the reader may find it difficult to distinguish between your arguments and counterarguments. Clearer signposting words, like firstly, secondly, would help.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has an introduction that sets up the task and a conclusion that summarizes the writer's viewpoint, providing a clear framework.

Task Achievement

Acknowledges both sides of the argument, showing a balanced approach before expressing an opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Many countries are spending a huge amount of money on supporting their competitor to take part in some worldwide sports competitions. Others argue that it would be better if these countries can spend the money on children to take part in sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?