As a result of electronic inventions, people do less physical activity and this is having a negative effect on their health To what extend do you agree or disagree?
At the current
time
, we are having a Use synonyms
rabidly
Change the word
rabid
improvment
in Correct your spelling
improvement
the
technology which Correct article usage
apply
cause
a lot of Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
people
do not Use synonyms
having
physical activity and Change the verb form
have
this
leads to bad Linking Words
effect
on their health. In my perspective, I concur with Fix the agreement mistake
effects
this
sentence and that because of many Linking Words
resons
.
In the past, Correct your spelling
reasons
people
used to Use synonyms
depeand
on their own efforts to get things done rather than electronic tools, Correct your spelling
depend
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
the
transportation, they depended on walking most of the Correct article usage
apply
time
to get to Use synonyms
thier
destination. Correct your spelling
their
Also
, they did the Linking Words
houswork
Correct your spelling
housework
such
as cleaning and washing clothes by Linking Words
themselfe
without Correct your spelling
themselves
themself
helping
Replace the word
help
by
machines. All these Change preposition
from
kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
required
Wrong verb form
require
a
physical activities in order to be done.
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
Moreover
, in Linking Words
old
days, Correct article usage
the old
the
Correct article usage
apply
entertainments
was Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
foucsing
more Correct your spelling
focusing
in
movement activities and traditional hobbies, like football, swimming and Change preposition
on
raiding
horses. All these kinds of Correct your spelling
riding
exercies
Correct your spelling
exercises
exercise
helps
Change the verb form
help
people
to do more physical Use synonyms
efferts
.
Correct your spelling
efforts
effects
On the other hand
, currently, most Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
people
Use synonyms
relid
on technology to get their work done or to have Correct your spelling
relied
rely
some
fun Correct determiner usage
a
time
. For Use synonyms
inestence
, electronic games Correct your spelling
instance
is
Wrong verb form
have been
most
Correct article usage
the most
pubolare
hobbie in Correct your spelling
public
Linking Words
last
15 years and that affects Correct article usage
the last
movement
rate of numerous of our community Correct article usage
the movement
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
younges
folks. Correct your spelling
young
Furthermore
, many Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
workpleaces
Correct your spelling
workplaces
workplace
are depending
on office jobs which required to be in the same Wrong verb form
depend
plase
all the working Correct your spelling
place
time
, which leads to less physical activity.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
tecnology
is helping and improving our Correct your spelling
technology
life
in many areas, but we should be more able to control it and avoid any Fix the agreement mistake
lives
therts
that may Correct your spelling
threats
negative
Change the word
negatively
causes
our Verb problem
affect
life
.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Submitted by 100
on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
language
Check for spelling errors such as "rabidly" should be "rapidly", "depeand" should be "depend", and so on. Proofreading will help in reducing these mistakes.
coherence
While the paragraphs are well-organized, aim for a clearer link between ideas, especially when transitioning between past and present examples. Enhancing paragraph transitions will contribute to higher coherence.
task response
Make sure each paragraph fully supports the argument with specific examples. For instance, expand on how current technological advances uniquely impact physical activity compared to the past.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction accurately establishes the main topic and your stance, setting a solid foundation for the essay.
supported main points
You illustrate historical and modern perspectives on how technology affects physical activity, providing a balanced view.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and reinforces your viewpoint, providing closure to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.