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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think teachers have a greater influence than parents on the development of a child's intelligence and social skills. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Most people believe that
teachers
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a
large
Correct word choice
larger
show examples
 impact on developing
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child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 intellect and interpersonal skills than
parents
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, both
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 role in
one
Use synonyms
's development.
Body paragraph 1
As
teachers
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spends
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 a lot of time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching children, they
are only develop
Change the verb form
only develop
show examples
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 skills of a
child
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, they are the
one
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 who teaches students which
parents
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 cannot teach a
child
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.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe,
teachers
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 do their job not only because it is their job but
also
Linking Words
, because they are in charge
to spread
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of spreading
show examples
learnings
Correct your spelling
learning
show examples
 to any
child
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.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
parents
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 I believe are the first
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 of a
child
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.
For example
Linking Words
, children from 2 years old to 4 years old
starts
Fix the agreement mistake
start
show examples
 learning
abc's
Correct your spelling
ABC's
 at home
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 are the
one
Use synonyms
 who teaches the
child
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.
Also
Linking Words
,
behavior
Add an article
the behavior
show examples
 of a
child
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
develop
Change the verb form
develops
show examples
 at home.
Thats
Correct your spelling
That
 why
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 when a
child
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 grows up with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
bad behavior,
parents
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thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that they are
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
responsible
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their actions.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
parents
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 and
teachers
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has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a vital role in the development of a
child
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your argument is consistently clear throughout the essay. It currently jumps between ideas somewhat, which can be confusing for the reader.
Task Achievement
Make sure to support your ideas with specific examples, rather than general statements.
Task Achievement
Revise the introduction to clearly state your position and outline the main points you will discuss, providing a roadmap for the rest of your essay.
Content
You have correctly acknowledged both the role of teachers and parents in developing a child's skills.
Task Achievement
Attempted to provide examples, such as the teaching of ABCs and children's behavior development at home.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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