Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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Individuals have segregated and polarised views about the matter of adding physical
activities
Use synonyms
to the school syllabus.A segment of society contends that sports should be added to in centre of learning,as in the past
adults
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were super active and cooperative.The main positive draw of
this
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idea,associated with
this
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mechanism is the advancement of mental well-being and increased capability in education.
This
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essay will proffer
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
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impacts of leisure
activities
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with specific examples. To commence,the main idea associated with
this
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mechanism is the advancement of mental and physical health,which results in students becoming super active and
also
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increases students' academic performance.As we know,
this
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generation mostly uses their leisure time on screen,
hence
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,they cannot focus on their studies,if they divert their attention from social media to sports
activities
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,they can become active and energetic.
Additionally
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, playing and investing time in physical
activities
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promotes teamwork,discipline and leadership skills,which helps youngsters in their practical lives.
For instance
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,
according to
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the University of London,youngsters who are involved in sports
activities
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from
their
Change the word
an
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earlier ages , have better social skills
such
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as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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working in
team
Add an article
a team
show examples
for any project. Another worth-considering element associated with
this
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mechanism ,it has been assumed,that young ones who spend their time playing games
instead
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of using electronic devices have extraordinary performances in academic performances.
According to
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BBC News,
adults
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who are engaged in various exercises,have better performances in academics compared to
adults
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who spend their on screens.
Moreover
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,it
also
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encourages
adults
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to develop social skills,
as a result
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,they can easily exist in the social fabric. To put it briefly,the perspective of engaging students in leisure
activities
Use synonyms
seems advantageous in the long run
due to
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its weighty and fringe benefits.
Submitted by notkhan01 on

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clarity
Although the essay provides a clear response, ensure that each argument aligns closely with the topic. Some parts like 'it has been assumed, that young ones...' are vague and could be clearer.
cohesion
Better transition between ideas would improve cohesion. Some sentences seem abruptly inserted. Try using linking words more effectively to guide the reader smoothly through your arguments.
examples
While you included examples, incorporating more specific statistics or detailed anecdotal evidence could strengthen your points. Consider personal anecdotes or observed societal trends.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task response
The essay includes relevant ideas like teamwork and leadership skills from sports, which are tied to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Use of linking words like 'additionally' helps in maintaining flow.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical exercise
  • holistic development
  • mental well-being
  • academic performance
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • leadership skills
  • life skills
  • cognitive function
  • academic learning
  • resources
  • facilities
  • community partnerships
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