It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, it is crucial for individuals to take
risks
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in both their career and personal
life
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, as
this
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can provide opportunities to gain new knowledge and develop professionally.
Although
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taking
risks
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may involve certain drawbacks, I believe that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
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with, taking a
risk
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without planning is a significant choice to make, especially in a
job
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case.
This
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is because
such
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a
risk
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may lead them to lose the
job
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they had for nothing.
For instance
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, leaving a
job
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for a better opportunity in order to be in a better environment, when it is not fully guaranteed that they are going to get in, is basically a big move to make, which may lead them to be unemployed and have no income.
As a result
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, they go a step back in
life
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instead
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of developing themselves.
On the other hand
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, living a
life
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with no
risks
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may not be the most effective thing in
life
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.
This
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is because taking a step towards the future helps them to develop their career.
For example
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, if someone who has a significant grade and skills works in a place that does not really value them, it is like destroying their future. Not taking a
risk
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to move to a better place is a step back,
although
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only with a planned way,
such
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as applying for a specific
job
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and only after being accepted does he withdraw from his current
job
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, leading them to take it in a smart way and develop their lives. In conclusion, taking a
risk
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with no planning is a significant move to make in
job
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matters, as it may lead to unemployment.
However
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, I believe that taking
risks
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in
life
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is a crucial thing to do in order to develop and create a successful future.

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Task Response
State your view clearly at the start and keep it steady in all body parts.
Task Response
Give stronger examples and explain why they matter.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make ideas in order with a clear reason, a real example, and a result.
Grammar
Check grammar and fix long, run on lines.
Lexical Resource
Use exact, easy words. Do not repeat the same word; find a better one when possible.
Idea
The text shows a clear point that risks can help a person.
Structure
Two sides are shown: good and bad of risks.
Coherence
Link words are used to show flow between ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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