Some people say that it is not possible to be happy without money, while others think that money does not guarantee happiness. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
First of all ,
happiness
Use synonyms
deform
in many ways individuals Change the verb form
deforms
thinks
that Change the verb form
think
money
will purchase Use synonyms
happiness
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
others
consider the opposite. Use synonyms
Iagree
Correct your spelling
I agree
being
happy doesn't buy Correct word choice
that being
money
.In Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
essay
we will discuss Add a comma
essay,
boths
views .
On one hand, having cash in life can be joyful shopping for stuff Correct your spelling
both
such
as watches ,cars ,houses and clothes Linking Words
furthermore
, responsibility with dealing with Linking Words
money
and how to spend it Use synonyms
Also
,building relationships that Linking Words
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
money
to be part of it Use synonyms
which
helps individuals to Correct pronoun usage
apply
be enjoy
Change the verb form
enjoy
foe
example:Correct your spelling
for
sugardady
Correct your spelling
sugar daddy
Sugardaddy
people
use cash to be around Use synonyms
others
Use synonyms
additionally
, the effect Linking Words
money
on being happy is high having everything on minds with cash .
Use synonyms
On the other hand
,losing the thought of being happy without having everything Linking Words
Also
, genuine connection with Linking Words
others
that don't continue to stay for the cost .Use synonyms
Apart from
Linking Words
this
,enjoying every moment without having to think about Linking Words
money
and appreciate any Use synonyms
gusture
from Correct your spelling
gesture
gestures
others
Use synonyms
for example
, in recent studies found that 75%of Linking Words
people
that that deals with Use synonyms
finance
the are miserable in their own life . As Add a comma
finance,
result
of that ,Add an article
a result
money
doesn't make Use synonyms
people
appreciate Use synonyms
happiness
in the world .
In conclusion ,Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
have
positive and negative Change the verb form
has
outcome
having the effect of Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
money
on Use synonyms
happiness
without Use synonyms
appreciate
the little stuff or Wrong verb form
appreciating
people
that make life joyful importantly, use the Use synonyms
money
wisely without leaving the moment behindUse synonyms
Submitted by manar2099 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Work on developing more clear and comprehensive ideas. The essay sometimes lacks clarity, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
task achievement
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This will help make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using more cohesive devices and linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the logical structure. While you have a clear introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs could be better organized to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure overall.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views as required by the task, providing a complete response to the task question.
task achievement
You have identified key points on both sides of the argument, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.