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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the international student enrolments at three universities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the international student enrolments at three universities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #student #enrolments #three #universities #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart given illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 from
India
Use synonyms
,Nepal,Vietnam,
Indonesia
Use synonyms
,and Colombia that are enrolled at the
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of Smithtown,Riverview,and Earlwood. We can conclude from the bar chart that the
students
Use synonyms
 from 5 different countries are mostly enrolled in the
universtiy
Correct your spelling
university
 of
Riverwiew
Correct your spelling
Riverview
 compared to the other two
universtieis
Correct your spelling
universities
universes
.
Also
Linking Words
,the
majoritiy
Correct your spelling
majority
 of
students
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 enrolled in these three
universtiies
Correct your spelling
universities
 are from
India
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,and the minority are from
Indonesia
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 and Colombia. All three universities have
students
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 from
India
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 accounting for the most
number
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 of
students
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.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
India
Use synonyms
 has the highest
number
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 of
students
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 enrolled in the
universtiy
Correct your spelling
University
 of Riverview with more than 7000
students
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 compared to
Indonesia
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 and
Colmbia
Correct your spelling
Colombia
Columbia
 with both having under 2000
students
Use synonyms
enrollled
Correct your spelling
enrolled
.
While
Linking Words
 Nepal and Vietnam
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 compared to
India
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, with Nepal having 5000
studnets
Correct your spelling
students
while
Linking Words
 Vietnam
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 under
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
4000
students
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.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 6000 Indian
students
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 are enrolled in the
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of Smithtown compared to
Use synonyms
indonesia
Change the capitalization
Indonesia
show examples
 with 1000
students
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 only and
colombia
Change the capitalization
Colombia
show examples
 with under
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1000
students
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
universiy
Correct your spelling
university
 of Earlwood
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
number
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 of
students
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 compared to the other two universities but still
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 more Indian
students
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 rather than having other international
students
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 with 5000
students
Use synonyms
 enrolled.
Submitted by muneeraalnoaimi07 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students, india, indonesia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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