IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Fast food is a part of life in many places. Some people think it has harmful ‎effects on lifestyle and diet. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons.‎

#food #part #life #places #people #‎effects #lifestyle #diet
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Instant
food
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 has been in trend in a few countries.
However
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, many people do consider it bad not only for healthy living but
also
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 as a diet
option
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. I agree with
this
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 thought process and reasons to support my stance are elaborated in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, those who are in disagreement assert that fast
food
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 saves cooking time.
Infact
Correct your spelling
In fact
, nowadays, many of us work for long hours and at times it
become
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becomes
show examples
 difficult to spare some time to cook
food
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.
Therefore
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, instant
food
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 is the practical solution
of
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to
show examples
this
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 issue.
On the other hand
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, those who are
agreement
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in agreement
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 opine that fast
food
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 is deteriorating
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health
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. Indeed, many cases have been reported all around the globe, which clearly shows that medical issues like obesity, hypertension etc. are commonly reported in people who eat junk
food
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 in excess.
For example
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,
according to
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 a
health
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 survey, around 34 per cent of
world's
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the world's
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 population is prone to have
health
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 issues in future because of fast
food
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.
Hence
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, it is slowly spoiling the physical well-being of the masses.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 new
food
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option
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 is manipulating people's
psychy
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psyche
 and refraining them from eating traditional foods. As a matter of fact, it is quite evident that those who consume too much
of
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apply
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junk
food
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, generally, find traditional
food
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 items
such
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 as Rice, Wheat etc boring and avoid eating them. Because
,
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apply
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 their minds have accepted instant
food
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 as the only available
option
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 as eatables.
Thus
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, they have started accepting it and have started avoiding other
food
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 items.
To sum up
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,
nonetheless
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 fast
food
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 is
an
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a
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time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
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food
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option
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 but
it's
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its
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 ill effects on
health
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 and
it's
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its
show examples
 ability to alter
individual's
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an individual's
show examples
psychy
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psyche
 makes it harmful
for
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society especially, for those who consume it regularly.
Submitted by mrsdns on

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your points. While you have a good understanding of the argument, providing data or anecdotes will strengthen it.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows naturally to the next. You might want to use more linking phrases or sentences to improve the overall cohesion.
task achievement
The essay has a clear stance, and the argument is logically presented.
coherence cohesion
A well-structured introduction sets the stage for your argument, and a conclusion neatly wraps it up.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • calories
  • saturated fats
  • sugar
  • salt
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • hypertension
  • nutrient deficiencies
  • vitamins
  • minerals
  • fiber
  • nutritional value
  • culinary skills
  • home-cooked meals
  • long-term healthcare costs
  • environmental issues
  • packaging waste
  • carbon emissions
  • traditional diets
  • balanced meals
  • marketing strategies
  • dietary habits
  • children and teenagers
  • lifestyle implications
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