IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Parents should teach children about the importance of money. Do you agree or disagree. Give your own reasons and include examples from your knowledge and experience.

#parents #children #importance #money
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Children
Use synonyms
 must learn the
essense
Correct your spelling
essence
 of
money
Use synonyms
. Parents are responsible
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 how to teach them. I agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
. We must guide them on how to use
money
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.
Money
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 is very important
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our daily lives and
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 to provide proper clothing, shelter and food for our family.
Children
Use synonyms
 should learn the
importance
Use synonyms
 of it. They develop financial responsibility and discipline. They will learn about smart spending and avoiding debts in the future. Earning
money
Use synonyms
 is not easy.
Thus
Linking Words
, we should spend it properly.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 makes a child become responsible in the future. In my experience, I have
thought
Verb problem
taught
show examples
 my child at an early age
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to handle
money
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. I
thought
Verb problem
taught
show examples
 him
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to save
money
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. Saving
money
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 is essential. I believe if a child starts saving early he will take it until he gets old. Knowing the
importance
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 of
money
Use synonyms
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them financial confidence and develop good spending habits.
As a consequence
Linking Words
 of not teaching our
children
Use synonyms
 the
importance
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 of
Use synonyms
money
Add a comma
money,
show examples
 they tend to
over spend
Correct your spelling
overspend
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. Spending
money
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 without thinking if important or not. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, when I was in my teenage years I
tend
Wrong verb form
tended
show examples
 to spend
money
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 just because I
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
 it not because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 it. As I grew up and
earning
Wrong verb form
earned
show examples
 my own
money
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 I learned the
importance
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 of it. In conclusion, parents should teach and guide
children
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
importance
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by yum_1229 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic, which is good. However, aim to provide a more comprehensive response by exploring potential counterarguments or different perspectives on the topic. This could enrich the discussion and display critical thinking.
task achievement
Try to improve the clarity and completeness of some of your ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is fully developed with explanations and examples. You may consider adding transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance your logical structure by using more cohesive devices, like linking words or phrases, to guide the reader through your argument. This can help improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
You have well-articulated main points regarding the benefits of teaching children about money, such as financial discipline and responsibility, which adds depth to your essay.
task achievement
The personal examples you provided, such as teaching your child about saving, effectively support your arguments and make your essay relatable.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments and provide a sense of closure to your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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