Many psychologists recommend that the best way to relieve stress is to do nothing at all for a period of time during the day. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is an opinion that doing
noting
Correct your spelling
nothing
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at all during the day is the best way to resolve
stress
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. I personally
completly
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completely
disagree with
this
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assertion since doing nothing has a negative effect on both mental
health
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and physical
health
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.
To begin
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with, there are major reasons why individuals get more
stress
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by doing nothing during the day.
Firstly
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,
people
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would fall into 무기력 if they do
noting
Correct your spelling
nothing
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because it makes them not want to do anything. To explain, if they stay at home and lie down on bad, they think much more
their
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about their
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problem and
issuse
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issues
issue
that they
got
Wrong verb form
get
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Use synonyms
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
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, which will
allow
Verb problem
cause
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them to not want to live more.
For
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this
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reason, many
people
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increasingly suffer from more serious mental diseases
such
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Change preposition
as depresion
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depresion
Correct your spelling
depression
. On top of that, working out is playing
a
Change the article
an
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important role in not only physical
health
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but
also
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psychological
health
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. To summarise, many
people
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work out when they get
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stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
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because they forget problems that
stressed
Wrong verb form
stress
show examples
them out
while
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working out, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
them to put things in perspective.
Therefore
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, they might recognise that
this
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problem is not serious for me.
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Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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consistente
Correct your spelling
consistent
exercising will enable individuals to grow physical
health
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, which
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
possible
Replace the word
the possibility
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that suffer from serious diseases. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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doing nothing
deteriorate
Correct subject-verb agreement
deteriorates
show examples
more
people
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's mental
health
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.
Therefore
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, I firmly believe that should
people
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work out not only to relieve
stress
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but
also
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to have better physical
health
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.

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task achievement
Provide more relevant specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly states a position on the topic in the introduction and conclusion, providing a clear stance throughout.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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