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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents are better caregivers for their young children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that working parents in general, deal with some difficulties in choosing the best option to take care of their
children
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while
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 they are working.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that childcare centres are the best choice for
children
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 of preschool
age
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; there is
also
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 an argument that family
members
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such
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 as grandparents are better caregivers for their young
children
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and express my opinion.
To begin
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 with, childcare
centers
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centres
show examples
 give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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 the chance to communicate and play with other
children
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 of their
age
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, which enhances their communication skills.
In other words
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, these centres are beneficial for the
children
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 in order to learn how to build friendships
in
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at
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 a young
age
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.
In addition
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, some
of
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apply
show examples
childcare centres provide language lessons that have been designed in accordance with the
children
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’s
age
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 and abilities.
For example
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, reading lessons will involve a lot of games and fun stories to attract the
children
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’s attention. Another point to consider is that taking care of the kids by other family
members
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such
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 as grandparents is considered a safer and cheaper option
due to
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 several factors. It is
also
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 possible to say that, involving the family
members
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 in
this
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 responsibility will make the kids bond with those relatives and they will value the family relationships.
Moreover
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, your parents or your sibling will dedicate all their effort to
protect
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protecting
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 the
children
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, and they will allocate more attention
of
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to
show examples
 their needs.
For instance
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, if your parents
taking
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take
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 care of your kids they will cook for them some beneficial meals and ensure that they will eat and sleep well. In conclusion, despite people having different points of view I tend to believe that it depends on every parent’s circumstances,
however
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, family
members
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 will consider the best option in my perspective

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task achievement
Consider expanding on how family care might also facilitate certain types of social interaction, possibly offering balanced insights into both care settings.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with punctuation, such as ensuring proper use of commas and avoiding run-on sentences.
task achievement
Good exploration of both childcare centers and family caregivers, showcasing understanding of both advantages and drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression of ideas by first outlining the benefits of childcare centers and then discussing family care.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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