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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that students should focus on a few subjects, while others believe that students should study a wide range of subjects. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #students #focus #subjects #study #range
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There is no denying the fact that studying a diversity of educational programs is crucial.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
students
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' main focus should be on only studying the major subjects, other individuals think
students
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 should be studying a variety of educational programs.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 controversial topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, knowledge is essential.
In other words
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, studying more than the required syllabus to graduate is beneficial.
In addition
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, it will help them to gain expertise and develop advanced skills.
Nevertheless
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, jobs require experience in many divisions.
For example
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, statistics show a decrease in graduate employment
due to
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 a lack of working methods.
On the other hand
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, learning a wide range of studies is tough. It is
also
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 possible to say that can add a huge pressure and responsibilities on
students
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.
Moreover
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, studying major educational programs is a priority, but allocating practising skills will enhance
students
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' knowledge.
For instance
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, law
students
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 should learn communication and technology skills to achieve the best outcomes. In conclusion, there is no right or wrong answer to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that diversity in our educational program can impact positively on our
students
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 and society
this
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 is why we should keep encouraging
students
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 to study as much as they can.
Submitted by m.seba770 on

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clarity
Your essay effectively discusses the both views on the topic; however, ensuring that every point is well-developed with specific details could enhance clarity.
support
Integrating more specific examples or data could help to illustrate and bolster your main points, making them stronger.
transition
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain the coherence of your argument throughout the essay.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame your argument nicely.
analysis
You tackle both perspectives of the discussion well, demonstrating an understanding of the topic's complexity.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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