Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinion on this?
Since the great advances in
gaming
industry and technology, Add an article
the gaming
gaming
industry has become a major player in home entertainment, but Add an article
the gaming
unfortunately
most of the Add a comma
unfortunately,
games
Use synonyms
involves
violence, which Change the verb form
involve
make
Change the verb form
makes
the
quite popular, and Correct your spelling
them
therefore
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
is Correct pronoun usage
apply
common
opinion that these Add an article
a common
the common
games
lead to Use synonyms
increase
in Correct article usage
an increase
crime
, Use synonyms
however
, I only agree to some extend to Linking Words
this
view and the reason for Linking Words
this
will be explained in the following writing.
Linking Words
To begin
with, it is a fact that when children Linking Words
expose
to these Change the form of the verb
exposed
games
, which have Use synonyms
great
deal of harshness, it Change the article
a great
effects
the player adversely, and Replace the word
affects
automically
Correct your spelling
automatically
give
the children wrong ideas, Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
for example
, a child after spending a lot of time playing these Linking Words
hightech
Correct your spelling
high tech
high-tech
games
, some of them would like to try Use synonyms
whay
they are exposed to in real life, and Correct your spelling
what
inavitably
Correct your spelling
inevitably
this
brings about unwanted offences, and Linking Words
therefore
in some ways result in increasing the Linking Words
crime
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, Linking Words
however
, when one Linking Words
closly
Correct your spelling
closely
look
at the Change the verb form
looks
statistic
about Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
crime
rates Use synonyms
this
factor is not the sole culprit for elevating the Linking Words
crime
rate. Use synonyms
Secondly
, even though Linking Words
is
some truth that some Correct pronoun usage
there is
children
violent behaviour Change noun form
children's
triggered
by Add a missing verb
is triggered
Linking Words
this kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
games
, Use synonyms
but
it is only a small percentage.
When Correct word choice
apply
everyting
above Correct your spelling
everything
mentioned
taken under Verb problem
is
cosiderations
Correct your spelling
consideration
considerations
although
the Linking Words
games
, which Use synonyms
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
crime
to grow Use synonyms
is
real, it is not the sole reason for the increase Correct subject-verb agreement
are
Use synonyms
crime
in major cities, and Change preposition
in crime
also
if parents are able to control their Linking Words
kids
playing times on Change noun form
kid's
kids'
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
games
, Use synonyms
this
rates may surely be decreased.Linking Words
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task response
You address the question adequately and provide a personal opinion, but your ideas could be clearer. For example, try to explain more about why only a minority of children are affected and provide more in-depth analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from clearer, more logical connections between points. For instance, the transition between how games affect children and the broader crime statistics could be smoother.
introduction conclusion present
You provided an introduction that clearly states your position, which helps the reader understand the perspective you’ll discuss.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your opinion in the context of the discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.