IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in team sports, like football. While other people think that taking part in individual sports is better, like swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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A fraction of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is more beneficial to take part in team
sports
Use synonyms
such
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 as soccer or volleyball. At the same time, some
people
Use synonyms
 show the opposite that taking part in individual
sports
Use synonyms
 is better than teammate games. I would nominate the first option. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss both views. On the one hand, the entertainment facilities have different styles to play, whether with yourself or friends and teammates. So, many
people
Use synonyms
 illustrate their opinion it's better to be social in many places. Specifically, in health or athletic activities.
However
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, team
sports
Use synonyms
 are a new gate to start a relationship with others.
Also
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, to get enough experience from the master players and avoid their mistakes when they were beginners.
For example
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, Barcelona football club allowed
to
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apply
show examples
their players to teach the youngest team.
As a result
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, they developed faster than
then
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.
On the other hand
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, a lot of
people
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 argue that
sports
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 should
play
Wrong verb form
be played
show examples
 individually. Because they prefer to enjoy
with
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apply
show examples
themselves.
Additionally
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, sometimes you will not agree with other ideas and strategies in different subjects. The adaptation is difficult if there are many captains or
people
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 from other cultures. ’
Moreover
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, individual
sports
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 often require one person to play.
For instance
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, swimming, bicycling and skiing. It's logical to play these activities with yourself. In conclusion, there are different points of view
for
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on
show examples
this
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 topic. Teammates are more
socially
Change the word
social
show examples
 than individuals.
Furthermore
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, the adaptation is not in all minds of players, in
this
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 situation, it's better to play individually.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples for both team and individual sports to strengthen your argument. Specific, real-life examples can make the argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay could have a clearer logical structure. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through the argument.
task achievement
Make sure to clarify and expand on the idea of personal enjoyment versus social benefits in the context of sports. This will help the clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively presents both sides of the argument and states your opinion, which provides a clear roadmap for the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points of the discussion, which helps to round off the essay nicely.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • camaraderie
  • teamwork
  • leadership skills
  • social interactions
  • self-reliance
  • personal discipline
  • cooperative learning
  • peer motivation
  • flexible schedule
  • psychological benefits
  • collective achievements
  • sense of accomplishment
  • personal accountability
  • wellness goals
  • social interaction
  • personal mastery
  • solitary tendencies
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