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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line diagram represents the total of
information
Use synonyms
 sent to
Tourist
Correct article usage
the Tourist
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 Officer from
Januari
Correct your spelling
January
 to
Juni
Correct your spelling
June
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 2011 by three communication modes. In general, it is conspicuous that the number of enquiries accepted increased over six months,
however
Linking Words
, there is a gradual decrease in the written method Turning to the two categories which experienced a significant jump,
such
Linking Words
 as
by
Change preposition
apply
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communicating in person and telephone, from
Januari
Correct your spelling
January
 to March 2011, sending
information
Use synonyms
 by phone is the most popular compared to others.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in the following period, giving
feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
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 in person exceeded the telephone
around
Correct quantifier usage
number of around
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 200 reports. Both modes skyrocketed and reached a peak at the ending period at more
than1800
Correct your spelling
than 1800
 by talking directly and 1600
for
Change preposition
by
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 calling.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, statistics for catching up
The
Change preposition
with The
show examples
 Tourist Agent Institution by utilizing emails or
writting
Correct your spelling
writing
 letters decreased over the observed months. In the first
three time
Add a hyphen
three-time
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frame
Fix the agreement mistake
frames
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, it placed the second highest method.
However
Linking Words
, between March and May 2011 the number of
information
Use synonyms
 given by letter plummeted
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 200
information
Use synonyms
 and remained constant for the end of
period
Add an article
the period
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 at 400.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words information with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • number of inquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • six-month period
  • increased steadily
  • reached a peak
  • decreased slightly
  • increased dramatically
  • experienced a gradual decline
  • general trend
  • highest number
  • lowest number
  • significant increase
  • tourism interest
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