IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, men and women both work full-time jobs and it is logical that they should share household tasks equally. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #men #women #work #jobs #household #tasks
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There is an opinion that it is
varid
Correct your spelling
varied
valid
 that it is valid that
household
Use synonyms
 works have to be
share
Wrong verb form
shared
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 not only
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
mather
Correct your spelling
mothers
show examples
 because permanent jobs account for men and women. I personally completely agree with
this
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 assertion since
ded
Change the capitalization
Ded
show examples
 and
mom
Capitalize word
Mom
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 have a great responsibility for that.
To begin
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 with, there is a major reason why it is right that men and women should share
household
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Firstly
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, husbands and
wifes
Correct your spelling
wives
show examples
 play
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important
role
Use synonyms
 in
household
Use synonyms
 tasks
such
Linking Words
 as cleaning rooms and washing dishes because
this
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require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 physical level than
though
Correct your spelling
thought
show examples
. To explain, unlike almost all
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
 money for their families and women
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
household
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
, These days, married couples
work
Use synonyms
 맞벌이 regardless of sex.
Therefore
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, they easily feel tired after
work
Use synonyms
, if they share them, they can
work
Use synonyms
 and do better
before
Change preposition
than before
show examples
, which will enable married couples to be stable and happy to live
family's
Change noun form
family
show examples
 lives. On top of that, parenting
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to
mather's
Correct your spelling
mother's
show examples
 and father's roles in growing
children
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, it is necessary that parents pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
child's
Correct pronoun usage
their child's
show examples
 development because
Correct article usage
the
show examples
wife's
role
Use synonyms
 and
husband's
Correct article usage
the husband's
show examples
role
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 different when their
children
Use synonyms
 do wrong
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home. To explain, if their kids have
fault
Fix the agreement mistake
faults
show examples
 continuously,
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 strongly should enforece(혼나다) for their faults and
Correct article usage
the mather
show examples
mather
Correct your spelling
mother
show examples
 should 달래주다 after (혼나고 나서). through
this
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 circumstance, their kids grow right morally, which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 정체성, moral, and it could prevent their
children
Use synonyms
to think
Change preposition
from thinking
show examples
 that their parents do not love them. In conclusion, in recent years, many married couples
work
Use synonyms
 맞벌이.
For
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this
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 reason, it is hard to
work
Use synonyms
 at home after
work
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, if they
work
Use synonyms
 together, it is easy to do that.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 it
isclear
Correct your spelling
is clear
 that both
mom's
Correct article usage
the mom's
show examples
role
Use synonyms
 and
ded's
Correct article usage
the ded's
show examples
role
Use synonyms
 have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 extremely significant influence on
children
Use synonyms
's
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
.
Submitted by garim4645 on

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coherence cohesion
Clarify your main points and organize them logically. Ensure there's a clear flow from one to the next.
task achievement
Improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on subject-verb agreement and proper use of expressions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively introduces the topic and states the writer's opinion.
task achievement
The essay attempts to include specific examples and reasoning to support the argument.
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