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Writing Samples
Band 3

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games.What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimise the bad effects?

#people #access #computers #basis #children #computer #games #impacts #minimise #effects
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In
this
Linking Words
 modern era,
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 using world wildly.
However
Linking Words
,some people believe that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people access
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 on an every basis
think
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. Whenever others think that a large number of children use
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 for playing games.There are a number of negative impacts of using
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend. On the one hand,there are multifarious negative impacts why using
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 childhood is not beneficial.
First
Add an article
The first
show examples
 and foremost reason is using more time
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
show examples
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 side effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
study
Replace the word
studies
show examples
.
Likewise
Linking Words
, they do not focus on
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
,it direct effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 health. In
Correct determiner usage
this situation
show examples
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 they do not concrete in their
study
Use synonyms
.They
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
would like to learn in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
.
Along with
Linking Words
 they all time playing games on their
computer
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
second
Add an article
the second
show examples
 reason is ,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a big
effects
Change the noun form
effect
show examples
 on their
study
Use synonyms
 .
As well as
Linking Words
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 eye-catching memory is lost easily.
Linking Words
also
Capitalize word
Also
show examples
,they do not learn more with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
They
Add a verb
They are
They were
show examples
 addicted
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
computer
Use synonyms
. They decline their memory.
Hence
Linking Words
,that's why they do not get good
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
 in their exam .
For instance
Linking Words
, my brother is studying in
9 th
Correct your spelling
9th
 class but he is obsessed with his
computer
Use synonyms
. So,he
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not get good
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
 in his exam. In conclusion,
Linking Words
although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 by implementing these strategies the adverse effects of
computer
Use synonyms
 games on children can be significantly reduced,allowing them to enjoy gaming
responsible
Change the word
responsibly
show examples
while
Linking Words
 maintaining their
overall
Linking Words
 well-being.
Submitted by shital20802 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, aim to clearly link your ideas and ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Try using more transition words between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Ensure each of your main points is clearly explained and supported with relevant examples. This will strengthen your arguments and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
General Advice
Work on creating a more detailed and structured introduction and conclusion that clearly reflects the content of your essay and provides a strong start and end to your arguments.
Conclusion Highlight
Your conclusion nicely summarizes the main ideas discussed in the essay and offers a solution to the issue presented.
Example Highlight
The example of your brother gives a personal touch to the essay, making your argument more relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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