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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts illustrate the number of people affected by four types of noise pollution day and night in cities and rural areas in 2007. Summarize and make comparison where relevant.

The charts illustrate the number of people affected by four types of noise pollution day and night in cities and rural areas in 2007. Summarize and make comparison where relevant.
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While
Linking Words
 the first bar chart illustrates the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 who
affected
Add a missing verb
are affected
show examples
 by four different types of
pollution
Use synonyms
 categorized into
trafi
Correct your spelling
traffic
, train, aircraft and industry in
cities
Use synonyms
, the second
barchart
Correct your spelling
bar chart
 shows these kinds of
effection
Correct your spelling
affection
show examples
, produced by
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
 mentioned groups, in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 through
day
Use synonyms
 and nights, in 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, at first glance, it becomes clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the most significant
pollution
Use synonyms
 was produced by
trafic
Correct your spelling
traffic
 during 24
hours
Use synonyms
, in
both
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the lowest majority of
pollution
Use synonyms
 was caused by industry sectors in
both
Use synonyms
cities
Use synonyms
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in
cities
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 during
day
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
, nearly 65
milliones
Correct your spelling
million
people
Use synonyms
 affected by
trafic
Correct your spelling
traffic
pollution
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
, in
Correct article usage
the countrysides
show examples
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
 about 35
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are suffered from that
pollution
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, during night
hours
Use synonyms
 it became
amost
Correct your spelling
almost
amongst
 50 and 25
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 ,respectively.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who suffered from train
pollution
Use synonyms
 during
day
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 much higher compared to those
of
Change preposition
during
show examples
 night
hours
Use synonyms
, in
both
Use synonyms
cities
Use synonyms
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, aircraft
pollution
Use synonyms
 affected almost the same average of
people
Use synonyms
 in
both
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
 during
day
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 during night
hours
Use synonyms
 , in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 it caused slightly more effection than
cities
Use synonyms
. It is noticeable that
people
Use synonyms
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from
industry
Replace the word
industrial
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
 and in
Use synonyms
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
 the average of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 affected by sector
pollution
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 dramatically
notigeable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, pollution, cities, areas, day, hours, both with synonyms.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • illustrate
  • number of people
  • affected by
  • types of noise pollution
  • cities
  • rural areas
  • comparison
  • relevant
  • daytime
  • nighttime
  • summarize
  • main findings
  • conclusion
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