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Band 6

The bar charts below shows the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

The bar charts below shows the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.
#bar #prevalence #obesity #boys #girls #ethnicity #states #years
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The bar chart illustrates the
percentages
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 of boy and girl
teenagers
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 aged between 12 to 19, who suffered from obesity by ethnicity categorized
in
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into
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 three groups, none-
hispanic
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 white, none-
hispanic
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 black and
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hispanic
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Hispanic
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, in the USA in two years 2004 and 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, at first glance, it becomes clear that, in 2014,
while
Linking Words
 the
totall
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total
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percentages
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percentage
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 of
obesity
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obese
show examples
teenagers
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, was much higher compared to those in 2004,
boys
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overall
Linking Words
 were much
obese
Correct quantifier usage
more obese
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 than
girls
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 in the all groups in both 2004 and 2014 years.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 2004, 12
percent
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per cent
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 of
none- hisponic
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non-Hispanic
 white
boys
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 aged between 12 to 19, and 9
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of
girls
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at
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of
show examples
 the same
aged
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age
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 suffered from obesity.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
percentages
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 of
none
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non-Hispanic
hispanic
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 black obese
girls
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was
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were
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 slightly higher compared to those of
boys
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the percentage of both
boy
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boys
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 and
girls
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Use synonyms
hispanic
Change the capitalization
Hispanic
show examples
 was almost similar, 12% and 13%, respectively.
Conversely
Linking Words
, one decade
after
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later
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,
while
Linking Words
 the most significant
percent
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percentage
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 of obese
teenagers
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 related to
none-
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non-Hispanic
hispanic
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 black
girls
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 by 29%, the lowest percentage of obese
teenagers
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 accounted for
none-
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non-Hispanic
hispanic
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 white
girls
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. It is noticeable that the
percentages
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 of
none-hisponic
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non-Hispanic
 white
boys
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 and
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hispanic
Change the capitalization
Hispanic
show examples
girls
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 were the same
as
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at
show examples
 17%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the percentage of
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hispanic
Change the capitalization
Hispanic
show examples
boys
Use synonyms
 was 27% in 2014.
Submitted by mahanz on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentages, teenagers, hispanic, boys, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 7 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalence
  • obesity
  • ethnic groups
  • trend
  • gender differences
  • public health
  • interventions
  • demographic
  • disparities
  • insight
  • analysis
  • comparison
  • proportion
  • fluctuation
  • longitudinal study
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