IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

“Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library.Which should your school choose to buy - computers or books ? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation.”

#“your #school #money #purchase #computers #students #books #library #support #recommendation
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In
this
Linking Words
 present world, in many
schools
Use synonyms
, the use of computers is on the rise. In fact, back in the
books
Use synonyms
 were popular among classes. It is believed that spending the budget on the check is a better option. Analysing the incapability of disciplining classroom students with technology,
as well as
Linking Words
 there is no restriction for different apps to be downloaded as a matter of fact, the games in a system of every computer.
Firstly
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, a lot of
schools
Use synonyms
 discussing whether to invest money in computers or
books
Use synonyms
. It would be best if
this
Linking Words
 cash goes right to
books
Use synonyms
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 many subjects are taught through
books
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
, the lessons taught on paper and
books
Use synonyms
in addition
Linking Words
 will be checked strictly by a teacher which is absolutely good for enhancing student's knowledge. I believe that would be better if it
goes
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 well planned and we just need to finish that. When it will end no one knows
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 good sides to transferring money to devices
for instance
Linking Words
, the advanced AI mind developing sharply
also
Linking Words
, and it stores a lot of essential information which is needed for students' class
books
Use synonyms
. The government needs to apply limitations to the school technologies or bring special devices into the school system
To sum up
Linking Words
, I assume the teachers need to look every minute at students' screens for what they are using the computers. The
books
Use synonyms
 are very needed for the lessons in the
schools
Use synonyms
. I predict it would be better if the
schools
Use synonyms
 invested money in bills mostly (it is just my opinion)
Submitted by xalilovamirxon6 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced argument but needs to clearly state your position. Make your stance on whether the school should buy computers or books more explicit in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your argument. For example, mention particular subjects where books or computers might be more beneficial.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more fluent progression of ideas. Ensure each paragraph clearly connects to the next, possibly using transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage for a comparison between computers and books, which is a good start.
task achievement
You have attempted to provide reasons for both points of view, showing an effort to consider multiple perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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