IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that young people should be required to attend full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Certain individuals think that youngsters should be required to attend full-time education until they
18
Add a missing verb
are 18
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 old. From my perspective, I mostly agree with
this
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 view. On the one hand, I think the purpose of
this
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 statement is good but
lots
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 of families can'
t
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 afford it. The reason for
this
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 is because in many
cural
Correct your spelling
rural
 areas, where residents are really poor and they don'
t
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 have
enough-financial
Correct your spelling
enough financial
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 ability to spend on their
children's
Change noun form
children
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. education.
For example
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,
many
Change preposition
in many
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 villages in Vietnam,
lots
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 of Families really want their children can go to
school
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 but they don'
t
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 have any budget for it.
Thus
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, I think. every teenagers all want to go to
school
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 but in many
situation
Change to a plural noun
situations
show examples
, they can'
t
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 choose their future
However
Linking Words
, young age should attend
to
Change preposition
apply
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school
Use synonyms
. until they graduate because
school
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 give them. comprehensive
self development
Add a hyphen
self-development
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. Not just only knowledge, schools
also
Linking Words
 provide them
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lots
Change preposition
with lots
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 of social. skills.
For instance
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, we can understand how to cooperate and communicate with others.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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Study
Wrong verb form
Studying
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 can help us have a better
life
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 and a
brightly
Replace the word
brighter
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 future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, study till 18
years
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old-the
Correct your spelling
old
show examples
 age that people are
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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mature
to
Rephrase
enough to
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 live
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 own
live
Replace the word
lives
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 and have
ability
Change the article
the ability
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 to self-protect.
Go
Wrong verb form
Going
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 throw 12
years
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 of study, teenagers can learn a lot and they can prepare themselves
enough
Change preposition
with enough
show examples
 knowledge and experience to keep them
save
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 in many cases.
For example
Linking Words
, in China 3
years
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 ago there was a boy who luckily
save
Wrong verb form
saved
show examples
 his
life
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 when the electronic system in his house. has trouble,
this
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 is because he had learnt at
school
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 and
understand
Correct subject-verb agreement
understands
show examples
 that situation. Knowledge at
school
Use synonyms
 is essential and can save our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in some specific cases. In conclusion, I think youngsters should go to
schoot
Correct your spelling
school
 until they graduate, so they can have a better
life
Use synonyms
 and learn how to protect themselves. Sadly, in many areas,
lots
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 of students can'
t
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 go to
school
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the issue and addresses the given prompt effectively. However, ensuring a more balanced discussion by including counterarguments could strengthen the task response. Support the points with a wider range of specific and relevant examples to enhance credibility.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, showing a logical progression of ideas. However, it could benefit from clearer links between ideas and fewer abrupt transitions to enhance flow and coherence. For example, better transition phrases could be used to connect ideas more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main ideas and reinforces the essay's position, providing a strong ending.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction that outlines the main position taken, which is a good start for setting the context of the response.
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