IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries paying for things using mobile phones (cell phone ) apps is becoming incresingly common . Does this development have more advantages or disavantages ?

#countries #phones #cell #phone #apps #development #disavantages
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There is debate in many nations
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the payment method by consumption
smart
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
phone
applications
Use synonyms
 are extremely popular today.
While
Linking Words
 commonly held belief that apps provide the easiest way
for paying
Change preposition
to pay
show examples
. There is
also
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argument
Correct article usage
an argument
show examples
 these devices may cause some problems.
This
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 essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of mobile
applications
Use synonyms
 and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will express my opinion. On the one hand, some individuals believe the use of iPhone
applications
Use synonyms
 for buying something can decrease face-to-face communication.
In other words
Linking Words
, today it is crucial the communicate between people so when using mobile
applications
Use synonyms
 for payment leads to reduced human connection.
For example
Linking Words
, there was a study published at King Abdulaziz University in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, on the effect of
technology
Use synonyms
 on human
face-to-faceface
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
 communication the results showed these devices declined communication by 45%.
However
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, I think am not favour
this
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 idea.
On the other hand
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, there is a revolution in information
technology
Use synonyms
 that makes life more easier and more comfortable. It
is
Change the verb form
is also said
show examples
also
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 say that using Samsung programs for paying can lead to increased customer satisfaction
as a consequence
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 of easy handling and convenience.
For instance
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, in 2018, a survey conducted in Makkah newspaper among the percentage of the population using mobile apps as a method for paying
objects
Change preposition
for objects
show examples
 the results had demonstrated that 77% of people used
technology
Use synonyms
 for paying. In my opinion,
this
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 is the best way to pay and I support
this
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 idea. In conclusion, today it is very important to establish
technology
Use synonyms
 to assist people in doing many things, one of
these
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is paying
things
Change preposition
for things
show examples
 by phone
applications
Use synonyms
. My perspective I believe the benefits of using
this
Linking Words
 method outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by khalidhxhd on

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task achievement
Try to provide more balanced arguments for both sides of the issue.
task achievement
Ensure your position is clear throughout the essay, reinforcing it with strong examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between paragraphs for smoother reading.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure each paragraph introduces a new idea rather than reiterating previous points.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly states an opinion in the introduction and conclusion, maintaining a good structure throughout.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples to support the points made, such as statistical data from studies and surveys.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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