Today, newspapers and televisions are giving detailed descriptions on crimes. Some people believe such a practice will cause bad consequences and thus media should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Public concern regarding the criminal
information
Use synonyms
presented on several platforms
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
a hot topic since some individuals argue that it provides negative effects and requires
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
be banned. To
response
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respond
show examples
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
issue, I agree with the aforementioned statement since it contributes
drawbacks
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to drawbacks
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for the audiences related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical and mental
health
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. Showing harsh
activities
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on
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
in
Correct article usage
a detail
show examples
detail
Replace the word
detailed
show examples
way provides drawbacks in physical
activities
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cause
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
the media institutions can not control audiences consuming the
information
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.
Therefore
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, consumers can learn many issues both bad and good topics without any
filltering
Correct your spelling
filtering
and
aware
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be aware
show examples
that it will influence them to practice the same
activities
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.
Consequently
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, it will give
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
negative example for individuals to do the same bad actions.
For instance
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, in
India
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India,
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the two
adolescent
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adolescents
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practiced
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practised
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sexual
harasement
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harassment
to
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on
show examples
their close friends as they were inspired by the criminal news on television
at
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apply
show examples
which they saw in 2008.
More over
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Moreover
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, if it is still
availabe
Correct your spelling
available
on several media providers, it will increase the crime rate in the country. Not only physical problems
,
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apply
show examples
but
also
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mental
health
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will be affected after receiving the cruel
information
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shown in several
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
is because not everyone can be given
the
Correct article usage
apply
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harsh descriptions by presenting the bloody
activities
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. The audiences will experience trauma
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
a long time after seeing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several
victim
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victims
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bodies lying down
in
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on
show examples
the floor after
killed
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being killed
show examples
by
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in
show examples
several robberies.
Then
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, they suffer mental
health
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issues and ask for help from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional mental
health
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care since the
information
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triggers their brain and
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
stress.
To sum up
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, presenting
about detail
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detailed
show examples
crimes in several media methods
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
several negative
development
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developments
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as it can give bad physical
activities
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because of the ideas.
Likewise
Linking Words
, reaching criminal reports
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
mental
breakdown
Fix the agreement mistake
breakdowns
show examples
due to
Linking Words
cruel actions.
Submitted by wiwitrahayu.ptplnnp on

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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view by addressing potential benefits of crime reporting in media.
task achievement
Ensure your arguments are consistently supported by detailed examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences effectively to guide the reader through your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position, setting a clear framework for the discussion.
introduction conclusion present
You concluded effectively by summarizing the key points, reinforcing your overall argument.
supported main points
Good effort in supporting your main points with examples, such as the one from India.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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