IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience.

Nowadays,most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 buy
things
Use synonyms
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 going on trading.
However
Linking Words
,
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 mature
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
prefer buying
things
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 their needs.
while
Linking Words
 others purchase
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 just for entertainment.
This
Linking Words
 essay
is belongs
Change the verb form
belongs
show examples
 to two
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
show examples
. I give my details on
this
Linking Words
 essay
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the below paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Buying needy
things
Use synonyms
 an essential for
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 Lives. There are numerous
people
Use synonyms
 who purchase
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 their salaries.
Due to
Linking Words
 most of the peoples are depend on their salary. They
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 affordable
things
Use synonyms
 for them.
Thus
Linking Words
,they
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their fundamental amenities.
For example
Linking Words
, destitute
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
always prefer which goods they can afford
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.so,that's why they maintain their routine of life.
Fourthmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are buying
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
first to check
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of if
this
Linking Words
 product price
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 place
sale
Replace the word
sells
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 half price
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
people
Use synonyms
 buy
things
Use synonyms
 which shop
.
Change preposition
for.
show examples
In other words
Linking Words
,
second
Add an article
the second
show examples
 prominent reason is,
most
Correct word choice
that most
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 buy
things
Use synonyms
 for their entertainment. They do not think about their
money
Use synonyms
.
they
Capitalize word
They
show examples
 waste
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 unusual
things
Use synonyms
. It is a negative development.
For instance
Linking Words
, recently my friend
buying
Wrong verb form
bought
show examples
 3
notebook
Change to a plural noun
notebooks
show examples
while
Linking Words
his
Correct pronoun usage
he
show examples
need
Replace the word
needed
show examples
 only 1 notebook. It is not good for them
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 cause they invest
money
Use synonyms
 in uncertain
things
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, buying fundamental needs
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 development for
people
Use synonyms
. But if
people
Use synonyms
 buy
unusual
Add an article
an unusual
the unusual
show examples
 product it is not good.
Thus
Linking Words
,they waste
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 unusual
things
Use synonyms
along with
Linking Words
 not main their salary in
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 way.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clearer structure, including a distinct introduction and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
task achievement
Try to develop your arguments more fully. Add detailed explanations and examples that support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving your sentence structure and grammar to make your ideas clearer.
task achievement
You have attempted to address both aspects of the question by mentioning both positive and negative developments.
task achievement
Your example shows a personal touch which is a good way to make your arguments relatable.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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