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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information on the number of participants for diffferent activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the number of participants for diffferent activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates five different kinds of activities (Film club, Martial arts, Amateur dramatics, Table tennis, and Musical performances) and the
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 between 2000 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, amateur dramatics had a slight
increase
Use synonyms
, going from 25 to 27 as for
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
particpants
Correct your spelling
participants
, but had a major
decrease
Use synonyms
 in 2005 going all the way
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2020, which made it the least popular activity out of all of them.
However
Linking Words
,
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club was the most popular out of them all, as it stayed on the top for all those 20 years. Table tennis had a slight
increase
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2005 and stayed stable till 2010, but had a massive
increase
Use synonyms
 until 2020.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, martial arts had slight
chsanges
Correct your spelling
changes
 over the period given, starting from 2000, as it had a slight
decrease
Use synonyms
 from 45 to 30
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 and had a slight
increase
Use synonyms
, stopping again at 40 and again,
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
decrease
Use synonyms
, stopping at 30 and was stable for those 5 years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we have got
musicial
Correct your spelling
musical
 performances, which had a major
increase
Use synonyms
 from 2005 till 2010, going from having 0
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 to 10 and had a slight
increase
Use synonyms
, which stopped at 12. After that, it was stable during these years.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club was the most popular activity
ouf
Correct your spelling
of
out
 of them all, with
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
68
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
particpants
Correct your spelling
participants
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we have got amateur dramatics, which had a major
decrease
Use synonyms
, making it the least popular activity, with only
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
5
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
participants
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, participants, increase, decrease with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 7 times.
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