IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it causes equal opportunities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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While
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 some individuals believe that
the
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apply
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cutting-edge technologies impact the wealth gap negatively, others disagree with them. I firmly believe that advanced applications promote balance between
the
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apply
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communities of different incomes.
This
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 essay will outline both sides, providing the arguments for and against the aforementioned statement. On the one hand, new findings tend to be a privilege
of
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for
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 those with an enormous amount of money.
Thus
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, introduced technical improvements assist wealthy people only, making their lives more convenient.
Moreover
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,
such
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 explorations
had
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have
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 helped to launch various outsourcing companies, which allowed
to
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for
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decrease
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a decrease
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the
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in the
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 operational costs of businesses worldwide.
For example
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, some competitive US firms nowadays use
Indian
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the Indian
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 labour force to earn more profits, not contributing to Indian society but exploiting it.
On the other hand
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, these technologies will sooner or later become accessible
for
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to
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 poorer nations, and,
furthermore
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, the evolution of
technics
Correct your spelling
techniques
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 will improve
economic
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the economic
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 situation in many developing states.
Additionally
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, technical improvements encouraged many students to educate themselves remotely. As an illustration, a host of Southwest Asians, including Vietnam,
has
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have
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 recently got access to high-quality education by
implemented
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implementing
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 online
studying
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study
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 platforms. From my perspective, the new developments have shortened the gap between the wealthy and poor individuals. I frankly think that these technological advancements have played a crucial role in lifting people out of poverty by offering new
job
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jobs
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 and learning opportunities. In conclusion, both advocates and critics have reasonable arguments. Even though the newest findings not only alleviate the challenges of the rich public but
also
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 reduce their businesses’ expenses, it is still debatable whether other nations cannot improve their living conditions
the
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in the
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 same way.

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task achievement
Considering more depth and variety in your supporting examples could strengthen the essay. For instance, contrasting examples from different industries or regions can reinforce the points further.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the flow between sentences. Some sentences could be smoother by using transitional words or phrases to link ideas more seamlessly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is strong and sets clear expectations for what you will discuss. It effectively outlines both sides of the argument before stating your perspective.
logical structure
The essay has clearly defined paragraphs that address specific points, contributing to logical structure and organization.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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