Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in t.v, video games and other types of entertainment for children’s leisure. How does this affect children? How do you think problem can be tackled?

#parents #level #violence #v #video #games #entertainment #children’s #leisure #affect #children

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Nowadays violence and

harm

Replace the word

harmful

show examples

views are increasing in our life

Correct your spelling

due

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to the different test people who are using those devices and

this

Linking Words

issue is

effecting

Correct your spelling

affecting

show examples

even the children which makes their

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

worried and scared. From my

poin

Correct your spelling

point

of view the classification of

this

Linking Words

type of

games

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game

show examples

should not be

avilabel

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available

for

every one

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everyone

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specially for young people who are under the age and in

this

Linking Words

essay we will be discussing the solution

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

problem. The main result happened because of

this

Linking Words

problem is the notable changes in

children

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children's

show examples

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

. Some kids

copies

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copy

show examples

everything they see

with

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without

show examples

knowing if

its

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it's

it is

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wrong or right.

For example

Linking Words

, some

Correct your spelling

show examples

channels represent movies that contain many

harm

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harmful

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scenes

such

Linking Words

as fights. With blood and some big tools

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

children are watching

this

Linking Words

and they don't that they are acting.

As a

Linking Words

result

Add a comma

result,

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they will do the same.

However

Linking Words

, to

reduce

Verb problem

prevent

show examples

this

Linking Words

from happening parents should be aware

about

Change the preposition

show examples

what their. Kids are doing and seeing

Change preposition

show examples

und

Correct your spelling

and

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in social

medie

Correct your spelling

media

For example

Linking Words

, they can

but

Correct your spelling

put

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a strong security

pasword

Correct your spelling

password

on their apps like YouTube and Netflix's they can only enter

Change preposition

apply

show examples

kids

Change noun form

kids'

kid's

show examples

channels.

Also

Linking Words

, to teach them that

this

Linking Words

is wrong and dinger.

To sum up

Linking Words

every thing

Correct your spelling

everything

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that we have

mention

Wrong verb form

mentioned

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their

Replace the word

there

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should be

Remove the article

apply

show examples

supervision

Change preposition

show examples

what

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young people are doing and

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

have

strong

Correct article usage

a strong

show examples

rolls

Fix the agreement mistake

role in

show examples

the use of social

medie

Correct your spelling

media

Submitted by khoulaalshanfari on Fri Jan 03 2025

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task response

To improve task response, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and adequately addresses the prompt. For example, further details on how precisely violence in media affects children could strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Focus on the logical flow of your essay. Use linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments. Transition between paragraphs smoothly with sentences that reference the main idea of the next paragraph.

coherence cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, improve the logical sequencing of your ideas. Make sure points are presented in a clear order that builds support for your conclusion.

coherence cohesion

You provided a conclusion that attempts to summarize your thoughts, which helps in wrapping up your argument effectively.

task response

Your essay acknowledges a real problem and suggests a clear solution, which indicates a thoughtful engagement with the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

234 words

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Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in t.v, video games and other types of entertainment for children’s leisure. How does this affect children? How do you think problem can be tackled?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Economic progress is often used to measure a country’s success. However, some people believe that other factors are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country’s success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?

In many countries nowadays, people in big cities prefer to live alone or in small family units rather than larger, extended family groups. Is it a positive or negative trend?

in the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?