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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and dive your own opinion.

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Introduction
it is often that children should learn
that
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apply
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how to be
a
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apply
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good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 and how to contribute towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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. some masses think
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 should learn it from
school
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 and some think it is the duty of
school
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 because
parents
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 are paying fees to
school
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.
i
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I
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 will discuss
both
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 views in
essay
Add an article
the essay
an essay
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include with
Wrong verb form
including
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 my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
Linking Words
,
group
Correct article usage
a group
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 of some masses
think
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thought
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 that
juvenile
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juveniles
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 should be
thought
Verb problem
taught
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 by
parents
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to
Change preposition
about
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 how to be a good
member
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 and it is right
on
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to
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 some extent because a
child
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spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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 most of
time
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the time
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 at home with their family members and
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child
Correct article usage
a child
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 can learn a lot
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home.
Also
Linking Words
, it is common
sa
Correct your spelling
so
 that
kids
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 are apes and they mostly imitate the actions of their guardians. so if their
parents
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 teach their
child
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then
Linking Words
 children can be a good
member
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 of
society
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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 , some
persons
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people
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says
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say
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 that we are paying money to
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 to learn some adequates and
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 should pay more
focues
Correct your spelling
focus
focuses
 on
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 to become a good
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member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 of
society
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.
moreover
Linking Words
, nowadays because
both
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parents
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 are mostly working
so
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apply
show examples
they cannot spend much time
to teach
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teaching
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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leassons
Correct your spelling
lessons
 so it is
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 responsibility to do it.
for instance
Linking Words
,
both
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 guardians of a
juvinile
Correct your spelling
juvenile
working
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work
show examples
 and they
are paying
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 money to
school
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 and to
after
Add a hyphen
after-school
show examples
school
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 care centres to take care of their
kids
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. so
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school
Correct article usage
the school
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 should be responsible
to make
Change preposition
for making
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 a
child
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good
Correct article usage
a good
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member
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 of
society
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.
Conclusion
to conclude
Linking Words
, in my
opinion
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opinion,
show examples
 it is the duty of
both
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parents
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 and
school
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 to make a
child
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better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
member
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 of
society
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.
parents
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 are always
a
Correct article usage
the
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 first
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
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 of
kids
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 and
kids
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 learn lots of things from their
parents
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 .
Linking Words
also
Add a comma
also,
show examples
 schools have
control
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controlled
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 environments so in
this
Linking Words
 kind of
Change the spelling
ambience
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ambiance
Add a comma
ambiance,
show examples
 children can learn some good manners.

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Grammar
Try to address grammatical issues such as sentence fragments and incorrectly used words. These small errors can distract from the clarity of your message.
Task Achievement
Include specific examples to reinforce your points, which can help clarify and strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to ensure smooth flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument nicely.
Task Achievement
You touched upon both views regarding who should teach children to be good members of society, which shows you addressed the question's requirements.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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