IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and dive your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place #dive
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
it is often that children should learn
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 and how to contribute towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. some masses think
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 should learn it from
school
Use synonyms
 and some think it is the duty of
school
Use synonyms
 because
parents
Use synonyms
 are paying fees to
school
Use synonyms
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss
both
Use synonyms
 views in
essay
Add an article
the essay
an essay
show examples
include with
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 my opinion.
Initially
Linking Words
,
group
Correct article usage
a group
show examples
 of some masses
think
Wrong verb form
thought
show examples
 that
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 should be
thought
Verb problem
taught
show examples
 by
parents
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 how to be a good
member
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 and it is right
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent because a
child
Use synonyms
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 most of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 at home with their family members and
Use synonyms
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 can learn a lot
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home.
Also
Linking Words
, it is common
sa
Correct your spelling
so
 that
kids
Use synonyms
 are apes and they mostly imitate the actions of their guardians. so if their
parents
Use synonyms
 teach their
child
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 children can be a good
member
Use synonyms
 of
society
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , some
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 that we are paying money to
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 to learn some adequates and
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should pay more
focues
Correct your spelling
focus
focuses
 on
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 to become a good
Use synonyms
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
.
moreover
Linking Words
, nowadays because
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 are mostly working
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they cannot spend much time
to teach
Change the verb form
teaching
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
leassons
Correct your spelling
lessons
 so it is
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 responsibility to do it.
for instance
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
 guardians of a
juvinile
Correct your spelling
juvenile
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 and they
are paying
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 money to
school
Use synonyms
 and to
after
Add a hyphen
after-school
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 care centres to take care of their
kids
Use synonyms
. so
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 should be responsible
to make
Change preposition
for making
show examples
 a
child
Use synonyms
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
member
Use synonyms
 of
society
Use synonyms
.
to conclude
Linking Words
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it is the duty of
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 and
school
Use synonyms
 to make a
child
Use synonyms
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
member
Use synonyms
 of
society
Use synonyms
.
parents
Use synonyms
 are always
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 first
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 of
kids
Use synonyms
 and
kids
Use synonyms
 learn lots of things from their
parents
Use synonyms
 .
Linking Words
also
Add a comma
also,
show examples
 schools have
control
Replace the word
controlled
show examples
 environments so in
this
Linking Words
 kind of
Change the spelling
ambience
show examples
ambiance
Add a comma
ambiance,
show examples
 children can learn some good manners.
Submitted by hoenytoor on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar
Try to address grammatical issues such as sentence fragments and incorrectly used words. These small errors can distract from the clarity of your message.
Task Achievement
Include specific examples to reinforce your points, which can help clarify and strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to ensure smooth flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument nicely.
Task Achievement
You touched upon both views regarding who should teach children to be good members of society, which shows you addressed the question's requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: