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Writing Samples
Band 5

Death penalty is still practiced in jurisdiction system of many countries. Some people believe that this type of punishment should be abolished. However, others are of opposite opinion. Discuss both sides of this debate and give your own opinion

#death #penalty #jurisdiction #system #countries #people #type #punishment #debate
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There is no denying the fact that the main impact of the
death
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penalty
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 is debatable.
While
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, there is a commonly held belief that, the
penalty
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 of certain crimes should be
death
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due to
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 their great impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, there is
also
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 an argument that opposite it. In my opinion,
death
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 should be the suitable punishment for any huge bad activities affecting families or even a single person's life like murder. To start with, in various countries, the jurisdiction system practices
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death
Correct article usage
the death
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penalty
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 on everyone who commits a kill or rape
crime
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.
In addition
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 to other activities that may harm a large number of
people
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 including suicidal bombing or school shooting.
However
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,
such
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 crimes have a major
reflect
Correct your spelling
effect
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 on the
people
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 living in that city or town, and the committers should face the highest punishment of all. Because
,
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apply
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 making them escape
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death
Correct article usage
the death
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penalty
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 is something
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
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 unpleasant the society
leaving
Wrong verb form
leaves
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 the victim's family with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 feeling of injustice. Meanwhile, they may try to seek justice
by
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on
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 their own and lose faith in the jurisdiction system.
On the other hand
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, nowadays, some
belief
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believe
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 that
death
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 is really a strong
penalty
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 as the person might committed the
crime
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in
Change preposition
by
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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coincidence or in a self-defence process and he may not be able to hire a good lawyer to
defense
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defend
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 him and
stands
Correct subject-verb agreement
stand
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 with his circumstances.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 suggest penalties like putting him in prison for the rest of his life or for some years depending on the impact and the violations that he made.
Such
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 choices will make
the
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apply
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society sure that he will not be out soon to commit another
crime
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 and ensure their safety.
Whereas
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, giving him
the
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apply
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enough time in prison to think about his
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
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. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having various views regarding
this
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 topic, I believe that
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death
Correct article usage
the death
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 sentence is still needed especially in significant actions where the
people
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 who commit their
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 do not regret their actions nor
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
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 to stop if they
came
Wrong verb form
come
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 out of prison again.
Submitted by ruaa.fatoohi on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single point, clearly introduced at the beginning of the paragraph, to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points, particularly when discussing why the death penalty should be abolished or maintained.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your viewpoint in the introduction and restate it clearly in the conclusion to enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, setting a clear framework for the essay.
task achievement
There is a balanced discussion of both sides of the debate, demonstrating the ability to understand and articulate different perspectives.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • capital punishment
  • jurisdiction
  • deterrent
  • morality
  • rehabilitation
  • wrongful convictions
  • innocence
  • retribution
  • ethical dilemmas
  • life sentence
  • judicial system
  • human rights
  • lethal injection
  • electric chair
  • justice
  • penal system
  • recidivism
  • appeal process
  • clemency
  • miscarriage of justice
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