There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children, encouraging them to buy toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisements claim that they provide useful information to children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There has been an ongoing debate about a growing number of
advertising
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advertisements
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focused on ancestors, motivating them to purchase toys and treats.
while
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some argue that will be
a valuable information
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valuable information
a piece of valuable information
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for them, others point out that will be more stressful for
children
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. In my view,
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while
Correct word choice
apply
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the advantages of advertising,
such
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as informable and appearance
youngster
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youngsters
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about things will be paid.
On the other hand
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, surplus pressure should not be overlooked. I will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages below. One significant reason why advertising is important today is its nature, fast, brief, and customized. Providing people with informative
clue
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clues
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about the product.
For instance
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, when a youngster indulges in his iPad playing, or watching advertising between episodes that will give a baby a hint about a joyful toy, or delicious snacks in a short period limited
15
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to 15
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seconds of
advertesement
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advertisement
advertisements
,
whichmakes
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which makes
expert
advetisment
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advertisement
advertisements
make it as quick as possible and
indiviulized
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individualised
individualized
depand
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depend
on
children
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prefrances
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preferences
. The customized content to make sure
reciving
Verb problem
they receive
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a useful information
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useful information
a piece of useful information
show examples
about the product, and
encourages
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encourage
show examples
them to buy it. One major disadvantage of directed advertising for
youngster
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youngsters
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is too much pressure on them in the golden stage of learning major things other than toys, or snacks. Whether it is for business purposes to sell more products or informative direction. because
this
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age considered is the most
fertalized
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fertilised
brain for
children
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, too many ads will lead to more and more stress, which is not supposed to be for
this
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age group.
For example
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, when a child looks at
Correct article usage
an advertesement
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advertesement
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
regarding a new kind of toy that will lead him to try hard to purchase it, no matter how, he will
steel
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steal
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money from his parents which will put him in a stressful condition to
becaught
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be caught
by them.
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This
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This is
This was
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especially problematic during the
growngchild
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grown child
growing child
will
effect
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affect
show examples
his decisions in the future. In conclusion, advertising undoubtedly offers several benefits,
such
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as information,
However
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, its drawbacks.
such
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as the stressful child condition, can not be ignored. As
children
Use synonyms
's advertising continues to evolve, it is important that both individuals and governments take steps to mitigate these negative impacts.
Submitted by m.e.a1434 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically and clearly. Improve the flow from one paragraph to the next, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly.
task achievement
Address the topic more thoroughly by exploring more aspects of the issue to provide a complete response.
task achievement
Ensure each main point is adequately supported with specific and relevant examples that are clearly explained.
task achievement
The essay appropriately discusses both views of the issue, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction introduces the topic and states an opinion clearly, setting a good foundation for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Materialism
  • Self-esteem
  • Peer pressure
  • Obesity
  • Creativity
  • Eating habits
  • Educational value
  • Moderating influence
  • Marketing strategies
  • Unhealthy snacks
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